Recently things get pretty hectic. I have to do lots of stuff--projects and presentation and paper; and it's not even finals. And don't get me started with finals.
Anyway!
Today I did something bad. I was dishonest. I lied. I feel terrible.
It's something that is not unusual around here--my friends did that a lot--but it was my first time and I did it in the most stupid fashion one could ever invented.
I probably feel terrible because of that; because I did it so stupidly stupid. Not to mention my hand was trembling so it failed so hard. I was scared. I felt pang in my heart.
So very terrible feeling.
I'm glad that it stays only for a little while (sort of), because if it doesn't I'd probably cracked.
In a way I thought that maybe I'm just not made to do this; that I'm super bad at these stuff. Maybe I'm a good person after all. And then I realized that maybe the reason I felt so awful was because I was scared of getting caught; not because what I did was an act of dishonesty.
I wish there will be a time like this no more.
I don't like it.
On a brighter note: two presentations that I did this week are wonderful, they're great, one get (possibly) the warmest response from my lecturer and the other got us a second place!
And on an even brighter note: I met a person I've been wanting to meet for.... I don't know. We met at the train on Monday and we met again today. We talk for, like, two hours. I miss talking with her. I miss her. The last time we talk for more than 20 minutes is probably 5 years ago. I miss her so bad. She doesn't really change that much; she's just better at what I think she's awesome at. I love it and I love her too. I hope she'll always be happy!
I still have a paper and presentation to work on, and 7 take-home tests right after. I hope it'll be over real soon.
Bye!
Friday, May 24, 2013
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Time!
Oh my.
I'm sorry for leaving the blog like this, so somber and sad! My last posts are sad and discouraging, but really, for you to see in the future, life is not all that bad. (I'm just lazy to write anything in between)
I guess it's pretty good because you know, I can't stay happy all the time; for the most of the time yes, but all the time no. But like every time in life most of the time is okay, they're okay. Sometimes awesome, but sometimes pretty crappy too.
People said that by growing up we have less things to be happy about and to feel awesome about (I probably have stated so too.. I think) and it's probably true! Of course, when we are younger we know less stuff so a lot of new things so awesome but we grow into knowing there're better stuff, better people, people who are stupid and mean, evil corporations, manipulative media, and stuff like that. Moreover, there are more stuffs to be done and more activities people want you to join and more expectations for you to reach. So other than stuffs that make you think you're bad and not cool and you are surrounded by things and people who are intimidating in any way you can think of, you have less time to think about how lucky you are to have this or that or how easy life is for you compared to some people or that nothing actually mattered.
And that is most of my problem.
I have less time to think about things that makes me happy and warm inside. I have less to be thankful (as stupid as it sounds). It's not like it takes a lot of time or anything, it's just... well. It seems like a lot of things are present for me to think about so sometimes I forgot to take a break and a deep breath (not to mention that most of that stuff doesn't really matter to me). And thus life seems like it's become harder and meaner than it was before and I can't stay happy as much as I used to.
But it doesn't have to be like that!
The truth is there is always a time, and there'll always be enough time! I just have to be better at sorting things to do or think so life doesn't feel like it has become more.... not fun.
Hmm. It will probably be easier if I realized what is it that I'm passionate about so, you know, the sorting part is much simpler.
But meh! This will do at the moment.
I'm sorry for leaving the blog like this, so somber and sad! My last posts are sad and discouraging, but really, for you to see in the future, life is not all that bad. (I'm just lazy to write anything in between)
I guess it's pretty good because you know, I can't stay happy all the time; for the most of the time yes, but all the time no. But like every time in life most of the time is okay, they're okay. Sometimes awesome, but sometimes pretty crappy too.
People said that by growing up we have less things to be happy about and to feel awesome about (I probably have stated so too.. I think) and it's probably true! Of course, when we are younger we know less stuff so a lot of new things so awesome but we grow into knowing there're better stuff, better people, people who are stupid and mean, evil corporations, manipulative media, and stuff like that. Moreover, there are more stuffs to be done and more activities people want you to join and more expectations for you to reach. So other than stuffs that make you think you're bad and not cool and you are surrounded by things and people who are intimidating in any way you can think of, you have less time to think about how lucky you are to have this or that or how easy life is for you compared to some people or that nothing actually mattered.
And that is most of my problem.
I have less time to think about things that makes me happy and warm inside. I have less to be thankful (as stupid as it sounds). It's not like it takes a lot of time or anything, it's just... well. It seems like a lot of things are present for me to think about so sometimes I forgot to take a break and a deep breath (not to mention that most of that stuff doesn't really matter to me). And thus life seems like it's become harder and meaner than it was before and I can't stay happy as much as I used to.
But it doesn't have to be like that!
The truth is there is always a time, and there'll always be enough time! I just have to be better at sorting things to do or think so life doesn't feel like it has become more.... not fun.
Hmm. It will probably be easier if I realized what is it that I'm passionate about so, you know, the sorting part is much simpler.
But meh! This will do at the moment.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)