This Year Report

Hello all! I decided to make this blog a weebit more active. Hahaha. Nope. I lied. I decided I'm bored enough that I want to make a post for no reason; like I used to do often before!

Now, now, a year have past since I'm in college. Woo hoo! ...Not. Somehow, I'm not that happy for what I've become after a year here. In fact, I think I'm not making any progress... of what, I don't know. Of anything, except now I know a lot more things than before. Other than that, I think rather than having a progress, I'm slowly... declining? (What are you, a curve) regressing! Yeah. Regressing! That's the word.

Yeah.

...I don't know.

I tracked down things I've written here, I tracked down things I've done before and stop doing right now, I tracked down what's on my mind before and what my priorities were; and, they are a lot... 'nicer' and 'better', for lack of a better word. Now, this may sound vague because I do learn things in college like, a lot; but it's not knowledge that I'm talking about. Well, knowledge too, but not that kind of knowledge.

For starters....

(Ugh. This is embarrassing, but well. I do this for you, my future self!)

..Faith--WAIT UP! This is not like it sounds (or seems). (Or is it?). It's not that I lose them. Or my comprehension is lacking, or something. In fact, I was diligent enough to regularly take part in my old mentoring group discussion. I don't know. Maybe it's my lack of sunnah worship or the quality of the worship itself, or maybe it's because I don't join any religious activity as much anymore (or any, maybe), or maybe it's because of my too-loose tolerance of myself. Something like that. The amount of materialistic things I have in mind grows and it seems that I'm not as strong to keep it down or to keep up with it with growing the amount of worship and prayers in return.

But yeah. I'm too... soft to myself (Or the satan in me, to extremely put it). And that. Is what I've been trying to fix since the second semester and I don't know if I'm better than then now (Or worst.). Lucky that it's fasting month I have the more reason to be better in this part of self I think I've been regressing, and I hope that I will too. Soon.


The other.. now this is difficult, because I don't exactly know what kind of part of me is regressing regarding this stuff. But yeah. I think, after a year in college, instead of thinking more critically, I've become more pragmatic than I used to. Weird right? So weird! Because that's what I've been learning in college (the thinking critically on every subject I've came across) but on the other hand, I don't think critically when it comes to philosophical (or trivial) questions regarding reasons and principles, when it's way more important than the said subjects!

Like, I just do things because I feel like it, and I don't really think about any justification of why did so. Well. Not that I've done everything like that before; to be honest, being pragmatic and flexible over a lot of things is one of my good traits (in a way). But nowadays, it seems that I shrug those things off more than I used to. I'm not this... nonchalant for the matter before.

Now first, you have to know why it's more important than the said others. Reasons and principles are two things out of others that make you, you. And make me, me. It differs the good and the bad, it differs nice and rude people, it differs the smart and the dumb. It relates to your character, way of thinking, point of view and big stuffs like that. Of course, the relation is not causal or unidirectional or whatever, but they affect each other! Or stuff like that. Or at least that's what I believe.

Anyway. What I'm trying to say is, I'm more impulsive and ignorant regarding things I do; I just do things I feel like doing, or do things without thinking much about why or what for or what would happen after the said action; and I think that's a bad thing. Sort of. Impulsive and ignorant is okay, but not when it's too much. Everything's bad when it's too much. And I think through out the year I've crossed the line.


And the last at last! This is the one that have been bugging me, and that is... I'm more easily annoyed.

I said 'more easily'!

So yeah. One of my principle is that 'Happy' is my default state. So my mood should be either Happy, Really Happy, Can-Die-Happy Happy, or Not Happy. Very simple.

When you have a default state like that, it's not easy to get mad or angry over trivial things. And I am.

But it seems that, even if I don't get annoyed or angry or mad easily, I found that I've been experiencing those emotions (feelings? Something like that) way more than I am before. It's either that the atmosphere here is more conducive for those emotions to develop or it's true that I get annoyed more easily than before.



And that's pretty much it. On the bright side, I do think that I'm smarter and more reliable now. ...I guess. (If I don't, then that's a problem)

But I guess it's fine. You can't progress all the time (maybe), so I guess a little regression is good to develop a mind. At least when you're regressing you could fix it and become better (I hope), but when you're stuck sometimes you don't even realize it until it's too late. Sort of.

And that's for today's post! See you!


Never mistake activity for achievement. 
- John Wooden 

Opposite Attracts?

If it were magnets, then duh.

But if it were relationships, nope. I don't believe that opposites attract for a real relation. Sure, tensions (in a good way) and dynamics occur when there are differences, but it doesn't have to be the complete opposite. In fact, I think it CAN'T be the complete opposite. Different, yes. Complete opposite, no. I see it more as differences complete each other and create harmony. It's about balance. Not about nullifying each other's traits. 


I mean it like this. You can not simplify human relation like it's a natural scientific phenomenon. I think, to create a bond, there should be something you can relate to. There should be something you agree on or similar with. Whether it's principles, moral values, hobbies, personality traits, religion, goals, whatever. Whatever the thing is, that one (or two) thing(s) you both agree on or similar with is one that makes the differences between you guys doesn't matter anymore. That thing is what makes you cope with the differences and make the differences between you guys become complimentary instead of burden to each other.

Differences are blessings. That's why we were created different and unique. That's why we were boys-and-girls, black-and-white (and yellow), theist-and-atheist, capitalist-and-socialist. We're different to complete each other.

But in the end, only similarities can unite us into a woven harmony.

So.




Is the existence of love inside every soul enough to unite us?







Guess not.

But hey! Now you know that if you happen to get in a fight with your lover, friends, parents, bosses, teammates, or whoever; just remember your similarities that get you bonded in the first place. If it's important enough, you'll survive.

Or will you?
__

p.s. I'm supposed to talk about my mama and papa. This is suppose to be a mere prologue. But oh well.