But a mango tree will always be a mango tree. I... believe that. So I'm going to be patient and wait. It's infuriating and tiring but I'll wait.
Every other times it seems so stupid, that maybe I just have to search all over the place and I should have run for it. And it hurts a little bit to see that you're nowhere but here and not where you want to be. But I don't even know where I want to be. I don't even understand what it takes to leave.
So I'll wait.
Yeah, I probably should.
Maybe it's just not the time yet. Maybe it's just me haven't nourished enough stuff inside. Maybe it's because some aren't prepared yet--longed for me to stay. Or maybe because I have a new son to raise.
There is also good stuff that I'm confused about. Like how I met wonderful people and how my world isn't as cruel as others. How I am spoiled and rotten. But why? How? I don't really understand.
Other stuffs that confuses me is that even though I know everyone is different and have their own sliding scale of everything; why am I still offended, or hurt? Or sad. Or even mad. Why can't I just stop at disagreeing.
Why should it even matter. I guess the fact that I care for what I think I own--even abstract stuffs such as ideas or faith or thoughts--makes me think that it matters than it should. Maybe.
But I know it doesn't really matter and I am hurt--or offended, or sad, or mad--all the same. I guess we can never stop feeling even when we think we shouldn't. It's a wonder what really makes you you.
I'm confused as to why some people don't listen. Why some people don't talk. Why some people don't see--don't realize. I'm also confuse as to why I don't listen. Why I don't talk. And why I don't see.
Maybe it's because we are different that we pay attention to different stuff. Maybe because we are different that we need each other to complete what's missing.
Haha who am I kidding.
I'm also confused; why can't we be friends? Why can't everyone be friends? Why can't everything be friends?
Why is it have to be ruined by ego, greed, lust, or hunger. We are different but we are not that different; aren't we here to complete each other? Why can't we be friends while completing each other? It's not very hard. ...Isn't it?
One more thing. Sometimes I'm confused if I'm being nice or mean. I don't know if I'm a good enough person (I am working on it) but I think I am nice to people... But people wondering if I'm nice or mean (or being creepy) makes me confused if I really am nice or not.
But yeah. I'm not very good at being confused so we'll see if I still find these stuffs confusing some time in the future.
みんなみんな 生きているんだ 友達なんだ
Everyone, everyone. We're alive and we're all friends.
- 手のひらを太陽に
