(Some additions of this post are made after a conversation with someone.)
(Yeah, that's you.)
I actually had a post about death and what I think about death for some time (by some time, trust me, it's a pretty old draft; with a lot of revision, 'course). But before anything, I want to assure you that I am not having suicidal thoughts or anything. It's just that... I think about death a lot. I played with the idea of dying--if I'm going to die young, or old. I played with the idea of death when I'm sick, when I'm bored, when I eat too much, when I eat at irregular times, when I'm in the middle of exam, when I want to sleep, when I'm hungry just before sleep, when people die, when people almost die--a lot of times. In my defense, I think it's perfectly normal for me--being a mortal being that I am--thinking about death on daily basis.
Anyway.
This post is not about death... well not particularly.
Okay maybe a little.
Ahem, anyway.
I saw a post about suicide in woods of Japan. The forest is beautiful, and I really think that it'd be nice if I died in a beautiful place like that. I then thought of other suicides--done in tall buildings... bridges...
I wonder if those places are beautiful. The forest is certainly beautiful, I think. Tall buildings... maybe seeing a bright blue sky ahead without feeling trapped by shadows of other skyscrapers is a pretty nice view before you die. Maybe the same with bridges. The sight of open spaces is calming, is it not?
But I think that's not always the case, if it's ever the case.
I just think it's a shame that when people think of ending their lives, it was driven not by the thought of, like, I don't know, deciding on what kind of place you'll have your last breath. Or what kind of sight you'll see. I mean, most people don't have that luxury because they never saw it coming. But for those who decided to kill themselves, isn't that the part of consideration? Where to die?
Why not pick somewhere beautiful, right?
And now that I think about it, I don't really understand why suicide is so looked down upon. Escaping and not taking responsibilities are bad, but just because most people kill themselves to do so doesn't mean the act of killing self itself is bad.
Well... maybe it kinda is, but it's not as bad as killing other people or inflicting harm towards others, right? Just--okay I'm not saying committing suicide is a good thing but the thing is,
a lot of people scared of dying.
A lot of people scared of death.
A lot of people scared of social exclusion, debt, being left by loved ones, and all that, but I think a lot more people scared of death.
So what I'm saying is: suicide need guts. To do so, you need courage. You need to be sure that you are capable of throwing everything you did for life. You need to be sure that you are ready to leave whatever you've got and will have. You have to be sure that NOTHING is worth living anymore. Because unlike wrong decisions or having no friends, being dead is not a condition you can revert when you changed your mind. It's really easy, I think, to come up with a reason to kill yourself. Some people just don't have enough motivation or guts to do that.
So in principle,
I think making a decision to commit suicide is no different that any other "life-changing" decisions.
Other life changing decisions are probably also driven by the same amount of determination, courage, or desperation--if not less.
So yeah.
But just to be clear:
I am not promoting suicide.
And no pun intended.
