Pest Control

I saw a pest control.. truck? Van? I'm not sure. It's one that says something about getting rid of pests. Yeah. That, I saw that when I was on the way to the airport.

If one think that it's ok to kill and selectively (completely?) annihilated a group of bugs because most of them are considered as the cause instability or chaos or ruining what's around them (according to one particular species who thinks they're smart enough to decide what's bad or good) I think it's very understandable that there'll come a time when a pack of creatures from outer space trying to annihilate human beings from the earth. 

I don't know.

Maybe some rats are just there to enjoy the life, you know? Ponder about great things they can do to make the world better, help other rats to achieve whatever achievement considered by their kind, care about their young ones, coexist with other fellow pest. Maybe they're trapped in a system where they have no choice but to live as what people considered as pest, because that's what are expected from them by their kind--thinking that it's their nature to make people suffer. Maybe there are some of them who actually bad, but the rest are silent majority that live their life without being considered as different than the bad ones. 

But of course not. 

They're rats. 

Rats don't have life. Right? So it's ok to think that we can kill them. Or wanting them to die. 

So does cockroach. Or moths. Or other creatures that are considered as pest. Whatever. They deserve to be get rid of. They aren't nearly as smart or resourceful as some other creatures, what's the point of keeping them around? They're only there to damage what's around them. Losing them wouldn't be a big deal.

(If the aliens are coming, I called it. But I think there's a greater possibility that they actually believe that human being will annihilate themselves without them having to send trucks, so.) 

Not-Yet-Asleep Post #1

Oh dear.

It's just the first half of the year and I already missed 2 months, without updating this blog.

The thing was, I actually have things I want to say. I have things I worry about. Things that are on my mind and probably good things to put into words. But I didn't.

I was lazy. Other times I was tired. The other times I wasn't in the mood anymore. Okay.

So this is like, a few days counting to my thesis defense. I was worried and scared and all that, but being worried, scared, and whatever else don't last really long when you are the kind of person who constantly remind yourself that those sort of things don't matter and you don't matter and nothing actually matters in the end. It bugged me for a day or two (like, haunting me in my sleep), guess it doesn't anymore, but we'll see (I don't really understand how being a "Being" actually works, you know; with you living in a body that you can't even figure out, thoughts that you can't really control, and emotions that are hard to decipher--each trying to make sense each other and failed most of the time).

The other thing is that despite me not very motivated on living, I actually think about possibilities of living, you know. But apparently, possibilities of living that I should think of are possibilities of living in normal (how do you even define that), middle class, achievement-education-worthy (I don't get this one either) scenarios. Should I contemplate living in a space ship? No. Become a butcher? No. Having a giant mutant dog as life companion? No. (Well, at least me wanting to raise non-mutant animals is ok, but still). Apparently, those thoughts are trash. And me saying that out loud: that's trash talk. I'm sorry, everyone whom I talked these things to: I didn't mean for you guys to be a dumpster, really. (I made this blog to be sort-of one, I'll try stick to it)

Also, lately I'm having a bad time trying to sleep. "Trying" to sleep has always been hard for me, as long as I can remember, but it's worst recently. Hoping that it'll be better today, but God usually laughs at things we're hoping for or thought of. We're funny that way, I guess. We just don't know better. I mean, yeah. I'm writing at the moment because I have trouble sleeping, to realize that not only that I missed January, I also missed June.

It's not just this. My dream journal has long since being updated. I actually have pretty vivid and interesting dreams this past months (it gets harder to recall as days past) but yeah. I was lazy. Other times I was tired. The other times I wasn't in the mood anymore. Same old, same old.

Ah.
Another thing.

Having almost ending college, the talks that come up are plans and dreams. Talks about next steps. About the future. I'm really bad at talking about the future. Maybe I'm just not that kind of person.

I just want things to end soon, you know?