Hi!
Lately, I haven't been able to contemplate on things much.
Actually, there are things that bugs me sometimes, but as I have more distractions now and less time for myself, it's too easy to shrug it off for one moment until it bugs me again. I find it generally easy to ignore things that bugs me, or thoughts unresolved, so I guess it's the routine? On the other hand, I find it harder to finish a book, which why I suspect that I might have gone stupid bit by bit. I don't know.
Anyway, I realize today that I might value money more than I thought I'm supposed to. This is a little inconsistent with the whole idea I hold (which consists of different fragments that I always tried to connect with each other) so 1) I'm might not being entirely truthful to myself, and there's a value that I know is there but not yet acknowledge or 2) It's not that I reject the idea, I just haven't got a hold of it so I haven't been addressing it clearly or 3) I just haven't been consistent with the whole idea I hold and need to work on that.
Because you see, I used to like money a lot. Like, a lot! I mean, I still like them now, but they hold less meaning than they used to be. I remember the times when the achievements I got was because I was driven to get the prize money. I remember when I thought marriage seemed nice because of the financial security. I haven't gone so far to think that money was everything, but money was pretty damn important. Then, and I guess now too... albeit more sensible now, I guess. For a person who lives in the moment, I think I'm plenty cheap.
I do have pride in keeping myself entertained and happy even with limited resources though. I think it's one of my good points.
Hm, but it's hard to be out of the system with little power or resources, so I guess that I'm just trying to get some just in case I live long enough to want to be out of the system. I hope not.
