I thought 'If you need them for something, why not? It's you who need them.' This need of course includes the immaterial ones such as companionship or mental support. I knew and saw people who are actually sad for not chatting with their friends or significant others, and I was extremely baffled for the fact that they don't just do it because
"I'm always the one who chatted first!"Me, as low-context communication extraordinarie (to the point that I am not always tactful at most times), find it depressingly unnecessary.
Until it happened.
The first months of staying in London, I was always the one who chatted my sister first. I asked her to skype call with me all the time back then. Sometimes she'd be busy, and I'll wait for her to tell me when she's free, but she didn't tell me anything until I chatted her again and asked "When are we going to skype :(". And repeat.
There was this one time when this happened that particularly struck me. I asked her to skype, but she said that she'd be busy for a while so maybe after this busy thing. I said, ok, tell me when you're free then.
It was some time afterwards (a week after, or something?) I wondered if she's free now.
I wanted to ask her about it, but I thought to myself.
'I always asked her to skype with me first. Is it just the case that she did not find me chatting or skyping her as important or fun as I thought it was?'
The initiation of contact was heavily one-sided, and this made me reflect on this. That I probably treasure her (our time together, at least) than I (it) was to her. Because sometimes she forgot, sometimes she was late on being online at the time we agreed to chat. It made me somewhat sad. Or, like, disappointed. I then understand the big deal over who chatted first thing--it implies reciprocity of (at the very least mental) investment in the relationship. I didn't think that it matters for me to have people to need me as much as I need them, but it actually does matter.
But then I thought to myself 'Oh well. It's fine. It didn't matter anyway if we didn't skype or chat or anything. It won't change the fact that she's my sister, so it's not like our relationship will dissipate or whatever.'
But of course, this didn't really stop me to asked her when we can skype as she was chatting with me that time (being sad about things never really stops me from doing it if deemed necessary).
On that particular call, I told her about this.
"Din. Aku tuh sebenernya sedih, soalnya aku mulu yang ngajakin kamu skype. Kayak kamu sebenernya biasa aja gitu, nggak pengen-pengen amat ngobrol ama aku. Tapi abis itu aku mikir kalo kita nggak sering ngobrol juga kita masih saudaraan jadi kupikir nggak papa juga sih."She, upon hearing this, was quick to deny that it was the case. She said that of course she liked talking to me, duh. And it was totally not one-sided! And she agreed upon me saying that we'd still be sisters anyway, so she didn't worry too much on not having that much of an interaction with me.
But afterwards, she was way more active on initiating chat or skype call. It made me happy.
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You know, I never find it that hard on telling people what I had in mind and I think it's very convenient. I know that not everyone can find this as easy as I am, but it was talking about what you think and feel that could only get your message across, most of the time. (Sometimes not even talking about it make people understand, but if talking is not even helping, how do you expect from not talking at all) I think it's good to spare yourself the pain and anguish of being in a limbo of uncertainty or sadness (over the fact that you don't even know for sure).
Human interaction is hard, I still am not able to figure out many things that seemed to be the rule for it. But so far, I haven't got a clue if there is any other method that is as efficient as asking and telling people what you think and feel when it matters.
Ask them. Free yourself from doubt. Even if it was not the answer you want, maybe an answer is all that you need.
