I think it was nice for social media to become a mnemonic device, keeping record of your life. It was quite random for me to see the timeline in my Instagram, but when I remember that these people (well, the non-comic account that I follow anyway) will have an idea how they spent certain period of time, I am quite jealous.
Somewhat.
I mean, I have this blog. I keep track of things here too. Facebook used to be a place where I did it too, to certain extent. I upload a lot of pictures there. A lot of people in my life I record on Facebook. But I don't know. Sometimes I would try to see what happened to me judging by what I put on Twitter (I spent most of my time online there) but I can trace little to nothing.
That would not be too good if people were going to make a movie of me. How will they know? Thankfully I have friends. They'll provide some interesting information I guess.
Anyway, lately I have been quite busy working on essays. It was quite intense, I guess. I don't really have much else to do to the point that when I decided to give myself a break, I forgot what I usually do to waste time with my computer. It was weird. But I like the fact that I've grown and I felt that growth. I know that I am more informed now and certainly write better too. That feels great.
I remember the time when I was in high school, I really thought I have life figured out. I remember. But the reason I felt that because I really, really, have no idea how little did I know about anything.
Looking back, it was painfully obvious that the gate to my growth are mistakes. I don't really remember of being scared if I was wrong and with that said, I guess being able to make mistakes is one of the greatest privilege that I have throughout my life. It might come off as outright mean, when I thought that I hurt someone in expense of my personal growth. But it couldn't be helped. I was stupid. My ignorance was my source of evil. I just hope they too, grow better as a person as well.
While it's inevitable that you changed as you learn, I don't think it's bad to stick with whatever things that you think it's true with the current knowledge and feelings as well. The most important thing is too always be mindful that some things don't last. And it's super easy to be wrong.
I love being right. It makes me feel that I've reached a certain degree of achievement. But being wrong is important, or else I don't evolve.
I don't really want to stop evolving, but evolving does not always feels good--not when things surrounding you don't grow with you. Thus evolving is scary sometimes. Because at times, you'd be walking the road by yourself. I am up with this path of solitude, I guess, but who would know whether I'm actually evolving into a better existence?
_
Oh, and I realized something. It's really funny because my comics usually don't really have any identity politics in it. This means that regardless they are girls (well, they are girls) (uh, mostly girls), or boys, or adult, or child, the substance won't change. It does not matter. It's actually one of the writings that I am interested in reading--a form of entertainment where who you are does not matter. I didn't have this aim in mind, but that's what I ended up writing anyway. (Plus, it was just 2-3 panels, it's usually just pointless conversation).
But! I realized that some DO have identity politics in it, and apparently it was the boys that carried out those identity politics. I don't even realize that! I didn't think about any of this when I make it. It's super interesting I think, because in regards to gender identity politics, females are usually easier or more common to convey this, since in this patriarchal society they are exposed to more obvious oppression.
As an easier comparison, it's really easy to see in many forms of media that white male character is a default character, because they are void of most consequences of their identity: you don't have to be mindful about how they act or what they are capable of, because they can be anything. Female, in comparison, if they are gross or a scientist or evil--it won't be just gross or a scientist or evil, there would be contextual implications: she would be a form of 'bad' woman because she's gross, she'd be 'outstanding' because she's a female scientist, and there probably certain definition of what is 'evil' that woman is capable of. Or, let's say instead of white, this is a black male. They wouldn't be just have tattoos, or in police enforcement, or a serial killer. The tattoos would have to mean something, if they are police or serial killer things would have to somewhat connect with the fact that they are black. Or Asian male, for instance! If they are male and Asian, and they are lady killer, I assure you there will be a certain justification on how this is happening. Don't let me start with LGBT+ character. Their identity politics would usually be doubled or tripled.
Now, all of these identity politics (race, especially) would really depend on the cultural context (if we're talking about white male in Japanese media then the perspective would be reversed) but basically, what I am trying to say is that: identity politics (usually) matter! And at the simplest form (or at the very least) it's the gender binary of man-woman. Of course this is not a bad or good thing, it's just a thing.
Now. This is usually NOT a thing in my comics. But it turns out, it is! I talked about masculine depictions and patriarch privilege, but instead of the conveyor being female, it's male! And! I think it's peculiar, and quite an achievement! (Just cuz I think it's interesting).
I don't know what it implies about my subconscious, but I like it and we'll see if it happens again (Idk if realizing it will jinx it, but we'll just see. Not that it's good or bad either way)
