A breather, somewhat?

It has been a while since I updated this blog. Now that I think about it, me not writing is mostly less about the fact that I'm lazy or busy.

I just don't spend that much time with myself to sit down with my thoughts, that's why I don't write.

If I do I think it's easier for me to just, you know, write it down somewhere. So when I don't, ya I don't write.

Highlights of my life since last post:

1. I am home all the time
2. I see my friends becoming friends with each other (I really hope they'd be a good one because god I love them, let us be healthy friends forever). 
3. I got to taste what it's like to pay attention to 3D cp again.

Other than that I guess there's nothing much. I am generally happy and I enjoy being home. Though being home is too conducive for me to just, you know, not confront my thoughts. Whenever I have something bugging me it's so easy to resort to nap, or play more games, or read more fanfiction.

Oh, I am increasingly tired of identity politics discourses lately as well. But well, it's not that it takes a lot for me to be tired of something.

Also, I am trying to manage my feelings better too.

You know when you have big feelings toward something, you are way more vulnerable to anything about it. That it's soooo easy to hurt you because what you are just that invested to it. It's so easy to be happy when you love something a lot, as in it takes little for you to be over the moon in regards to anything related to it. But it's the same of being hurt too--I think it takes little for me to get hurt when I love it a lot. Littlest things that is not consistent with my ideal will leave a wound in my heart.

I generally am quite good at managing that: I generally utilise a lot of tools to create a safe space for myself. But sometimes when you seek enjoyment you find yourself roaming, exploring to things that you didn't know would hurt you--and that you only know that it hurts when it did. Those things are particularly hard to avoid (and you just had to get hurt to learn). Sometimes it's just cuz you're unlucky that you just get to experience this or encounter this thing you know you hate and you know hurts you.

Anyways, that's a forever work-in-progress, after last year I am aware that I'm green in having many feelings and that the feelings that I thought I'm good at managing isn't all the feelings that existed (or well. I was just wrong in thinking I'm good at it).

I hope I learn new stuffs this year. Maybe draw more.

Other than that, like most human beings on earth, I wish the pandemic is over soon because I miss eating out and meeting my friends.