I think there are at least three instances that I heard somebody argue to me how they have higher expectations on people they love, and thus, when those people make mistakes, it is more disappointing for them.
They would be angry, or disappointed in a way that they would not if it comes from the people who are "less important" for them.
I understand this to a degree. Having higher expectations because people we love or close to are exposed to more of us than general public--that makes sense.
But what I don't agree with in that sentiment is how come you punish people you love more severely than people who are not close to you?
How come their mistake costs higher when it is natural that people who know you more would have higher probability to make mistakes? After all, you are vulnerable to them, you open yourself more to them, you show them things that you don't show other people. Just by that alone, even if the probability of you being hurt by people are the same across proximities, wouldn't the one that are closest to you have bigger pool of things they can hurt you with?
That sounds like simple math to me.
But of course human relationship is not math (or not entirely, I guess), and I understand that people you love hold more power over you than people you don't care about. So it hurts more, I get it.
The punishment part is the one that I don't understand as much.
You get angrier, you are more disappointed, you are sadder. But these are people you love, shouldn't these people easier to forgive?
Shouldn't these people deserve the more gracious side of you?
I think it's tough when people you love are shitty people. This is a fact of life: sometimes you love people who are nasty or does not deserve your love. When this is the case, I guess I understand that these people could probably hurt you in ways that you should not forgive, even.
But if we are talking about a normal human in normal circumstances, where us human beings are flawed creature that sometimes makes mistakes, then, shouldn't we be more gracious to people we love?
We love them. They hurt us, sometimes. We hurt them too, sometimes. But forgiveness should come easily for us, because we care about one another. And in the best case scenario, every scar that heals, there were lessons that strengthen the bond: the new knowledge about the right or wrong thing about one another.
It's ok to have expectations but it should also be ok to make mistakes. Some mistakes are more grave than others, and some mistakes can break relationships beyond repair. But I think, for things that you think you would "forgive" if they're done by people that are less important to you, then you should be able to forgive it when done by people you love too.
And perhaps when you are ready, not only to people you love--
--but to you too.
