Doctors and God

My father told us a story he heard from his lecturer today. It was about a time when his lecturer went with his relative to the doctor, because his relative was terribly ill. The doctor examined his relative and after examination, he concluded that there was nothing he can do anymore and his relative is dying. My father's lecturer was furious, saying that he would pay any amount of money to make him actually do something but the doctor insisted that whatever he did won't make any difference. And it was true. His relative died not so long after.

After he finished the story, he said that it need years after that time for him to finally get what the doctor meant. He was mad at the doctor that time, but it's because he didn't understand what the doctor felt or what he knew. The doctor has seen the signs and symptoms to be certain that there was nothing that he can do to help--he didn't want him to spend anymore money than what he already did on nothing, he want to cut the case and put all the cards on the table for him to prepare himself and the rest of his family: "Your relative is dying dude, sorry.". 

And now that he looks back, it doesn't seem like a bad thing at all. At that time he was convinced that this particular doctor is an arrogant lazy bastard who treat his patient badly and doesn't even try to actually save his patient, when in fact he was just a plain good old doctor who knows what he's doing, doesn't want to trick anyone to spend more money on bullshit treatments, nor sugarcoat his diagnosis (but yeah probably not very good at diplomatic communication). The problem with these cases is that sometimes people are not being fair and forget that doctors are not miracle worker nor God--they're just humans who can't cure everything or really stop people from dying if they're, you know, dying. So it's kinda hard to swallow when they say they can't help.

My father further said that he suspect all of those doctors who persuaded the patient's family to do a lot of treatments are those greedy jerks who make use of the patient's family emotional state and desperation to make money.

But my sister and I argued. 

She and I think that sometimes it's not the treatment that counts. Sometimes it doesn't really matter whether or not it works--some people just want to know, some people just want to feel like they have given their all to actually make a change and that's all what matters. I believe that even if there are some evil doctors who did so for money, there are doctors who did so to humor the family--to make them feel better, exactly as stated; to make them feel and think that they already given their best efforts even though with or without those treatments or money spent, the outcome was the same. They did it to ease their soul--not for them to spend their money on nothing. Then again, it's not for nothing either, it does give some relief to some people right? Plus, there's always a chance that the doctors are wrong and the treatment actually works and the patient can live longer.

We come to conclusion that the best doctors for that matter are those who actually explains that yes, s/he'll die and we don't think whatever we do will make any difference but if you're willing to try then we can always give it a go :) or something along those lines instead of plain resignation (like the former doctor did) or giving false hopes by just trying without explaining anything to the patient or their family.

And it makes me wonder if that's kind of what God did to us.

You know.

Letting us try even though it's in vain. 

I was wondering if it's more or less the same:

He already knows what's going to happen. He already knows what are the outcomes and what are things that you choose, for He is the all-knowing and all-powerful. He probably already set things straight already--for all we know everything is probably predetermined by Him already and we only lead our lives as it is written.

But he is letting you try anyway. He lets you to choose--or feel like you are choosing. 

He lets you think, feel, and do things--even though what you think, feel, or do are things that are certain for him. He lets you make an effort to make your life the way you want it to be when it's already known to him how you'd live it, with or without your effort.

He lets you "try" to change your destiny when the destiny is already there to be fulfilled. 

Probably just like the doctors who do things and treatment to their dying patient even though they know it's for nothing. The difference is: doctors can be wrong sometimes.

God doesn't.

But still. He lets you try--actually encourage you to try, because that's probably living is all about:

Trying.

Because we don't know what are the outcomes and what are things that we'll choose and what are things that is going to happen. We don't know what He knows.

And that's enough for us to try and see and think that or feel like we are doing something--regardless what it actually is.

p.s. Don't you just love the fact that we are an insignificant being without free will who are drowned in a false consciousness of actually having an impact on the universe?

Go with the Flow (or Not)

You know, it's already my third year in college. 

Plus I'm twenty right now. I can't believe I live this long already--considering the amount of unhealthy food that I've been feeding myself, the amount of disasters happening in this earth, the amount of disasters happening in the universe, the amount of evil on the land, the amount of viruses and bacteria in the air, the amount of illness that exists in this era, and every other things that can be the death of me.

Not that it's not nice; in fact, it has been fun and awesome. But considering the usual human lifespan, which is 100 something, tops--the average is probably just 60 or 70 something--and assuming that my lifespan is like most people in general--twenty years old isn't so old. I still have a lot to go.

Having said that, I have to think about how I'd want to spend the rest of my expectant years. I have to prepare for it, yes? And given that I live in society that values industry and money highly, I have to prepare myself to, you know, care about getting into the industry and care about getting a lot of money.

(My thoughts of future has none of that in the equation, but you don't really live in thoughts so.)

Anyway.

I consider myself as a pretty idealistic person. It's not that I hate industry or money, but the thing is I don't want to do things I don't agree with and gain things from what I don't enjoy. I'm not sure where I can fit that preference here--of course there's a lot of choice other than being untrue to yourself, job can be made, and there's actually a lot of jobs and causes I can work on, but that's a path full of uncertainty and risks that I'm not even sure where. I mean, I'm very sure that I want to take that path, but which is it? Where is it? Twenty years of life hasn't made me realize that path yet. Or discover where that path is.

But everyone else is already moving. They're already taking paths. They're already making choices.

(Where as I'm here. Not exactly moving. Not sure which way to go. Don't know what path to take.)

And if I don't hurry, I feel like I'll be left behind.

And when I realize what it is, I feel like it'll be all too late.

I don't want that.

So right now, I'm trying to follow everyone else. Trying to follow the rules. The path given by society--as in, the ultimate path that is proven years of making a good citizen: learning in school, doing school activities, graduating with a good grades, doing internships, getting a job.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy almost most of them. But all this time, I did those things because it feels like that how this living thing works--I just keep doing it because it doesn't feel wrong and I enjoyed the process--and I've always been comfortable going with the flow; wherever it leads me (since it never fails me anyway). Then again, I used to not have the capacity to decide which path to take.

Now I have.

But I still don't know what it is.

Not sure where it goes.

(Good thing that I know where I want it to end, but)

So yeah.

I'll follow the rules again. I'll just follow what everyone else is doing. I keep telling myself that it'll just be a safety net that I'd discard once I found out what I really wanted.  

I hope it is.

Because sometimes I'm afraid that this path will lead me farther and farther away from the path that I actually would love to take--because instead of exploring things that I can work on and love, I'm here: following everyone else.

Then again, I hope that's not the case.