This year is literally a year with pandemic, but in retrospect, this year is not... a horrible year for me. I guess it is somewhat horrible that I hardly able to meet up with my friends because I miss them a whole lot, but things are relatively good? Wholesome? I guess.
The thing with this pandemic situation is, I think, that when we are somewhat forced to work with the bare minimum, you'd know what are constant in your life and what isn't. The things you can't live without and the stuff that aren't that important after all. Who are the people you actively wanted to seek and reach out, as well as the people you don't pay much attention to.
This year has been kind to me. So kind that I would be happy if I my life to end soon. Perhaps next year, hopefully.
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A few stuff from last year that happened and does not exist in the last year's post
1.
There was one time when I cried when I was in ojek when I was on my way home. It was just last year. I was so tired that day and I thought:
"I am tired. I wanna go home."
I wanna go home.
I thought.
And the realisation dawned on me--I actually have a home to come to.
In many sense of the word--the physical place that I seek to rest, the family that loves me, the idea of a space that I am comfortable to be.
So I cried.
2.
Last year around the same time I was in Bali. I resigned from my previous job and thought that I want to learn how to garden.
So I did.
I eat greens. Met wonderful people. I don't learn much of gardening, I guess. But I managed to resolve the anger that had been haunting me. There are a lot of fun stories.
I write a diary in Japanese every day when I was there. (Didn't bother to continue it when I'm back home)
3.
I was somewhat part of a relationship drama, figuratively eating popcorn in the sidelines. It was a shoujo manga plot material, I swear. But since I have sworn secrecy, this will only be the extent to where I write it.
This year (so far):
1.
Had the opportunity to work with the sweetest people I have come to encounter. Lovely folks that made me re-learn the stuff that I feel is important, validate values I have, accept me for who I am, listen to what I had to say. It was warm, fun, and I learnt a lot in many ways. My time with them had been short, but I felt so full. I'd be keeping in touch, however they let me.
2.
Asked myself questions on love and friendship, turns out that I don't think of it and know it as much as I thought I was. The ones that remained unanswered I don't bother to pursue, I am sure it will be answered in due time. I think that I am just plainly happy with what I am, and I am happy to be around if anyone wants me to be. I think in many ways, I don't think many would like me much once they know who I am, so those who stayed after knowing me, I think they're really special and I am really grateful.
3.
The marginal utility of the stuffs that used to bring me joy diminish. But it made a lot of sense--I used to be able to enjoy it sparsely, because with outside activities my options to do other stuffs are aplenty. Now that I can always go back to the things that I know I enjoy, of course I'd do it often. But it's hard that sometimes I do it to keep myself going, instead of to find the joy that I used to get from it. In any case, it happened, but it's inevitable, and I guess it's alright. I can always try new stuff or other alternatives, but still, they brings me joy still, so I still love doing it. Perhaps just not with the same amount of joy that it used to give me.
4.
My family is whole and safe and together most of the year. It hardly brings frustration. It feels nice that we can dinner and lunch together. I love them lots. I hope they are always happy and healthy.
5.
The interactions I have with my friends increased despite not meeting in person. Still miss seeing them in person... but it makes me happy too, to have them around and got to chat with them more often than before.
6.
I read a lovely Chinese webnovel that I am absolutely obsessed with and I have been spending so much money for its merchandise. Once in a blue moon (or perhaps never before) I am excited to spend money for stuffs that I hardly use.
I think CN webnovels as a medium have given me the realisation of how precious and strategic the role of translators were, for you to be able to see another world through their interpretation of words in different language. It's amazing and scary, isn't it? A whole meaning of a novel can change if you, as a translator, weren't able to convey what it was (for whatever reason).
But of course, traduttore, traditore, and while I agree, the effort of building an image of one same thing using different words and nuance is such a wonderful and important art. Translators, my respect.
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I have been really happy. I don't need much else.
I hope this ends soon.
