Since I need to work from office, I got to walk from and to the small park near the apartment. Every morning and afternoon to and from my commute to the office, I will meet cats in that park.
There are at least 15 cats I meet. Many kinds. They're all cutie pies. Sweet girls and boys. They're stray, but they get to be fed by nice ladies every morning and afternoon (sometimes I meet them too mid feeding) and that's nice. Some of them are really friendly and greet me, probably hoping I get them something. I don't, most of the time. But it was nice.
Last night I dreamt that Mitton was around. But he become sick and I remembered that he died. I wonder if I should've told the doctor that he used to die before he get to be around again, and that could've prevented him from getting sick (and die again).
I think I miss him. I no longer cry at the mere thought of him anymore but I miss him all the time. There's no ghost of him in the kitties I greet but I still miss him.
'Miss' is such a weird word, though. It's not incorrect, I guess. In English language this feeling of longing, the feeling that you want something to be with you but not--miss. A word that you would also use when you passed by the chance that you want to take, a word that you would use when there's something that you want to catch but cannot. It's such a weird word for me to use, because it's not... really like that. Like yes I miss him, but the other meaning that "missing" are associated with that do not settle well with me.
In Indonesia, kangen, rindu--kinda nice because I am not sure if there's an equvalent in that within the language. It's superior in a way? Like those words encapsulate just that one singular feeling. But if anything, I would like to think that 想 is a closest word that could also help describe it. It's such a funny word, like it means you think of it, you want it, you miss it--it's rich with all the adjective that I would describe for what I feel for him. 想. 我想他.
I also love him. I love him before I understand what love is. I probably still doesn't but I love him when I am even more clueless about what love is than now.
Always, all the time.
I miss you.
