Sometimes People Don't Want Pies

Sometimes people just don't want things.

But it seems like it's a really big deal when everyone want that particular thing and you don't, because NONSENSE! Why would anyone not want those things?

Like,
some people don't want pies.


It's not that they don't like pies. They're not against pie or anything. Or hate pies. Or in Anti Pie Movement. They just don't want pies. But in the world where the existence of pies are legitimated by the law, supported by the norm, encourage by religion, wanted by majority of society--it seemed that people can't not want pies.

(Even though there are a lot of other food available to eat. To be wanted.)

In that world, people are allowed to want other food, but they still have to want pies.

I don't understand.
Pies are just... food, right?

Sometimes people don't want them because they have reasons. It can be fundamental nor silly, but it's enough for them to not want pies. Like, maybe pies are against a particular religion or tradition. Or they're full for what might be a long time and have no room for pies. Or they're allergic to pies in general. Or I don't know. I guess people are free to not want pies for no reason. I mean, just because everyone wants them, doesn't mean you want them too, right?

Wrong.

Say I'm that person. I don't want pies. And I said:

I don't want pies. I don't think I need pies. 

But no, they said. You don't understand. Pie has sugar in it. You need sugar to live! Sugar is important for you! That's why you should want pies.

But I'd say, yeah... Sugar is important. But donut has sugar in it too. 

Then they would say, yeah, but THAT'S DIFFERENT. That's not pie. It has different things that pie has!

Obviously. I guess, but I think I'd survive eating donuts instead of pies.

Will they accept that I'd just need donuts and rice and other sweet stuff to survive? Without pies? Nah. They most likely won't. They like pies and enjoy pies and even though donuts have that important thing pies have it's not suffice because donuts aren't pies, you see?

Well, I guess when everyone wants something, and have everything around them saying that it's good for you, and that it's delicious, you would want that. It's possible that you initially don't want them, but as the time goes and you see everyone is eating pies and happy and satisfied with their pies, you'd want them then. But can't people just take it that people might not want it, be it for now, or for forever?

But no. No. No. No. No.

It would be just me, not old enough to understand how I'd need pies and how essential pies are for life.
Me, being weird for thinking that pies can be replaced by some other food that more or less has the same ingredients. And even if I don't want pies, I'd still have to have pies. Because if I don't have pies, my parents will be sad and I'd live a very sad life for not having pies. People would talk how I don't have pies and how I'm bad because I don't have pies.

They won't understand when I said that I don't want pies, because, who doesn't want pies? They say.
People can't possibly live with just waffles and pancakes. They need pies!



So.

That's tough isn't it. Not wanting pies.

Being Happy

You know.

I don't think it's very hard to be happy. I made a list about how to stay happy, but I think it has always been simpler than that.

I come to understand that because it really is you who make yourself happy; you can really come up with anything and be happy with that.

I think you can convince yourself to feel happy, or sad, or angry, or anything really. If you believe in it very hard and very long, it will stain so hard in your heart and mind that it'll come to you naturally.

(But if it isn't--you'll come to a realization and I guess the most common reaction is that you'll think you were very stupid.)

Then again, I don't think it's just about feelings.

When you believe in something really hard and long, what you believe will be your reality. I think it's also how religion works with theist, or how people somewhere in places or situations one would consider very pitiful can have what others perceived as false sense of security. Or false consciousness. Something along those lines.

Anyway.

I was wondering if it's wrong to be happy for those things. It sounds really wrong--why would it be wrong to be happy? What makes happy wrong?

But if being happy is really what you create; what you make up in your mind, regardless what situation you're in or what kind of things that cause it, isn't that mean we can practically be happy with anything?

Is it wrong if we're happy because of lies that we're convinced are true? Feelings that we believe are sincere? Circumstances that we think are ideal? Is it wrong to be happy by doing things considered as sinful by God? Or immoral by society? Is it wrong to enjoy things that makes you ignorant or dumb? Is it bad that...

Seriously. What are the lines?

Who decides one can be happy with what?

What if we're not allowed to be happy with everything?

Because it becomes obvious that some things that are breaking the rules or hurt other people seemed to be something we shouldn't... (can't?) be happy for/about (I'm pretty sure there are a lot of people in jail who actually enjoy the crimes they committed) Finding pleasure in things that causing people misery is a bad thing right?

But since you practically can be happy with anything...

Isn't it easy to find other things to be happy about?

So I guess it doesn't really matter then.




But still. The fact that we can actually be happy with anything, but not exactly allowed to be happy with anything... is kinda sad. I think.

And maybe unfair? I don't know.

Kepo

There are people whom I wish write more in their social media.

Because I want to know more about them. I want to know how they are doing and what's on their mind. What are their concerns. What they think about things.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone wants to know more about me. How I'm doing and whatever-thing else. But it kinda creeps me out. Now I kinda get the sentiment why some people whom I wish write more in social media don't write more, hehe.

But I guess I too, don't share a lot of things. But I do share things. But more than anything, I share them for my convenience and interest. Like this blog, for example. I have long forgotten why I made this blog, but I am keeping it and keep writing on it for my sake. It's a nice thing. It's nice to write, you know? It's nice to write and know that it'll be read by yourself some time in the future, letting her know she's going through, how she changed, and what makes her changed. This blog hasn't been around that long and I see that I have change plenty. Sort of.

Other than that, writing always ease thoughts and feelings I think. Wording what's inside is a very good way to see or assess them more clearly. It's not once or twice that I found answers for my own questions just by putting them into paragraphs (which I previously intended to only be a paragraphs of questions). Then again, you can write anywhere-it doesn't necessarily have to be social media or whatever else accessible to people hm. Oh well.

Anyway, yeah. Even though I get why these people-whom-I-wish-write-more-in-their-social-media don't write more often than they already did, I kinda still wish they do.

Fear

I went and spent a whole weekend with horses a few weeks ago. I had a really great time.

I did a lot of things with horses. One of them had me falling from one. He almost stepped on me (because there was a print of his hoof on my stomach) but he was kind and alert enough to not let it happen. It didn't hurt (except where my chin bump into his hoof), I suppose the amount of falling and bumping into hard things in my life has made me immuned to that sort of thing. But I guess it's also because I thought of falling and I wasn't really afraid of the idea. So when it really happens, I wasn't really... shaken or anything (not that I expect that to happen).

If I were scared to fall from the horse, to get wet from the rain, to be dirty from all the mud--I wouldn't be able to learn nor do things with these horses. If I were scared of risk of me doing things, I wouldn't be able to do anything.

But I guess that's what has been holding people back from doing things. Fear. Mostly fear of getting hurt.

I suppose it's fair: most people don't like to feel pain. So when people don't want to pet puppies because they're afraid of being bitten, or play rugby because they're afraid of being squashed, or fall in love because they're afraid of heartbreaks, or doing bad deeds because they're afraid of getting thrown into a pit of everlasting fire... it makes sense, because people don't like pain.

I don't think fear is bad though. They're great. Fear is what keeping people alive. It makes sure we don't get into things that can be the death of us. So I don't think people should stop being afraid. I think people should stop letting fears prevent them from doing things all the time.

It's cool for people to be afraid of getting hurt, but I think people should risk it if it has certain advantages that worth getting hurt for. Like, I'd risk myself of getting clawed in the face, because I want to bond with my cat and getting clawed in the face is worth my cat knowing that I never meant him any harm. But I totally won't risk me got bitten by a venomous snake since I don't particularly get anything from it. It's also cool for people to be afraid of not doing things the right way, but I also think they should do it if they can be a better person by doing so. I guess it comes to rational assessment--knowing which fear to listen to, and which one to put aside. But fear and rationality aren't really a match from heaven, so a lot of people find it hard to think straight when it comes to things they're afraid of. That doesn't mean they can't try, though. Knowing why you're afraid of one and not another, knowing why you choose to indulge in one or face the other--it's a power on it's own.

What I'm trying to say is that it's ok to be afraid, and it's ok not doing things because you're afraid, but to be mindful that there are things that you're missing from not doing things because of fear. And to be mindful that facing your fears doesn't always make you the wisest person in the room.

Bravery is not mutually exclusive with stupidity.

Random Life Updates (sort of)

A lot of things happened recently. Sort of. My weekends are eaten by activities that... are... not I really expected to happen on weekends. Because my weekends usually consist of me lazing around. (Will still continue hopefully till next week).

But I guess that one weekend where my foot was sprained fulfill my usual weekend agenda (it was not very pleasant though).

But lately I'm a little bit disoriented. I'm confused, but I don't know about what. I want to talk to several people, but they're busy. I want my plush to be dry-cleaned, haven't done it (can't rely on other people, really). I want to go to toy stores and bookstores, but I'm too lazy to go anywhere else but home. I'm hungry most of the time, but I can't eat in each and every of those time. (I don't use to get hungry this often). The last one frustrates me the most.

It's weird because at one time, I'm disoriented, but not long afterwards, after putting it into words and draw something that has nothing to do with it, I don't feel so disoriented anymore. Seeing my awkward drawings I realize I really need to practice more often. The last time I was drawing very seriously and consistently were the time when I made a picture book. This is one of my favorite pages:

(I didn't color that well either)

I tried to give pictures of dreams that I have in my dream journal too, but I have dreams to write but not a lot of time to draw so I neglected that one too. I want to play tennis again, haven't been playing for so long. When I was in junior high, I played every week. After a load of work in high school, I put it to rest. Same as piano. Though with piano, the lesson every week was stressful. I cried in class a lot. Still played at home afterwards, but too lazy to practice in recent years. It's not very easy, to see what you like and what you want to do with your life. I tried music and sports and art and studying and although I enjoy doing it (and able to do it, some I did--like sports and studying--pretty well) none I found so interesting that I passionately want to be very good at it, or enjoy it enough to do it every other day (or at least regularly). But I guess that's ok, I have long made peace with myself about this kind of things. Guess it's still trial and error for me.

Maybe I'll draw some more for my dream journal.

(Later.)