Give up? Let go?

Hahai. There's this funny story. Remember what I said about being sick? And hospitalized? Apparently between those times NTU ADM emailed me to inform that the documents they needed had arrived but the CD was cracked and I have to send them again before 26 December 2010. I read the mail... some time in 2011. Can you imagine my reaction? Only a few gasp. After that I feel like: this is fate, man. This is technically not my fault (directly), or the postman's (they don't know there's a CD in there), or NTU's and I think maybe this is a sign or some kind. I told my mother and father, they say I should say something about my sickness and the fact that I was unable to go online at that time. But you know what? I hate excuses. I hate it when people (especially me) say that they can't do something they have to and blame it on circumstances. Okay, I don't really mind if people say that to me, but for me? It's unacceptable! I can imagine what they say: "You know what? That's your problem; what we need is the CD, and you can't give it to us in time, so be it. End of story."

My friends said so too. But they said something about NTU being nice and such, it lit my face a bit and I can't help hoping that I might have a chance. Might. So I wrote a reply: lalala I apologize due to some circumtances I was unable to check my email for several weeks lalala and such. I notice that there are some new mail for me as well, one of them is from one of my favourite children books author, P.K. Hallinan, about his new books. Guess what the title is?

"Try, Try Again!" He said: In my 66 years of life, one thing I have noticed is how important determination and persistence are for those people who want to succeed at something.

It was like a slap in a cheek. Or a punch in a jaw. Man. It really hit me. Bad. I think what I did back then (before replying the email) was an act of letting go; a genuine feeling, thinking that it was meant to be. But it wasn't letting go; it was giving up. There's a thin line between them. You let things go when those things are some thing that cannot be changed. Something about 'you already did your best', or 'I've tried but failed' or something about 'it's in a past and there's nothing we can do anymore'. In one side, you give up when you are too lazy to move forward, to persist, to give more effort. You think you can't do anything about it anymore, even before you try, and something along the lines. Hey, people give up some time in their life whether they realize it or not, surely you experienced it, right? You know what it means to give up. Hah, smartass, aren't I?

Back then I convinced myself that I did that because of my pride; that I won't beg for second chance; I won't use lame excuse to defend a fault; and it's my fault, I deal with it. But you know what? When you're trying too hard, you might as well miss the important part. I just realize that this so-called pride is a lame excuse itself: an excuse so I don't need to go through all the trouble to mail the cd once more; so I don't have to reply the email. Hahaha.

I think I can use the word irony for this case.

"Just cheer up, and never give up hope!"

-Never give up hope, Wakko's wish