Anyway. Yeah.
I don't think many people realize that they are selfish, just because it's just natural to do certain things or because things they do benefitted others. Hmm. Interesting, but very annoying sometimes.
This is how I understand living, so feel free to disagree, but I think people have to be selfish to really understand what they want and what they got. They have to be selfish to be grateful.
Sometimes people tell me that wanting this and that is selfish. Wow, ok. So other earthly things I do is not selfish? Let me tell you, living is a struggle. You cannot even let yourself alive not in expense of others.
Take myself as an example.
I am feeding myself from taking millions of life. There is no count to how many farm animals that has been cut to keep myself alive for 22 years. And let see, how many trees has ended their life for the hundred thousand tissue I used for my runny nose? Not to mention those who died for the paper I used for exams or doodles, and for the sake of books that I enjoy reading. The seat that I have in school, I wonder who could have my seat if I were not there? A person who wants good education as much as I do, probably. Some other person can fill my place at work, but there I was! Working, in expense of those that didn't get it. Not to mention the capitalistic system that I support with my money from the superficial products that I bought, not sure who were the underpaid labor, but I wouldn't be as comfortable as I am now if I were to nitpick every single person or other living beings who suffers because of my choices to keep myself entertained. Even on being born: I was once that one sperm that has got into the egg first, and letting those other millions died in vain.
And isn't that what selfish is?
Denying that one is selfish--not even realizing how THOSE seemingly 'normal' things as things that benefit you in expense of other's suffering--is pretty conceited, I think.
So just! Understand! That you're doing things for YOUR reasons! Stop thinking that you're in something for some noble cause and that it will give noble consequences, because it is your noble cause and your noble consequences. Not everyone is benefitted from that. Not everyone thinks it's noble. Even 'greater good' itself is a selfish thought. Just because you think it's good or nice or whatever doesn't mean it is. (It will also lead to why you won't please everyone. Not always because you're wrong or bad, but simply because you just can't)
Please just accept that you're doing things for yourself. Just accept it. Just accept that there are some people that mattered to you. Accept that there are values you want to keep. Accept that you do not want to be hurt. Accept that there is no one that cares about what you care about like you do. Accept that the world really does not revolve around you, and only you do.
Because once people accept it, I think they will understand how easy it is for anyone to be kind or nasty. (Mostly nasty.) How easy it is for anyone to be horrible, and how easy it is for THEM to be horrible. It will be easy to understand what it takes for one to be able to live in a certain way. You will understand what drives you and you will realize that there are privileges available for you--things that enable you to have selfish thoughts or do selfish things.
Accepting it won't stop you (or me) from being selfish, since we can't help it. But it certainly will make you more aware of how you can be horrible to others. If you're nice enough, maybe you can make it less horrible.
But you know, this can be just me wanting to make myself better for thinking that killing things for my own sake is ok.
p.s. I think my writing has gone bad. Or has my writing always been bad and it's just now that I am, uh, smart enough to notice it?
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