I just read a post from my friend's (Dillute's) blog about trust, and I realize something. When I feel alone, I know what I lack of. And that, is trust. I already knew that by now. What I realize is that, in fact, I do trust. Huh.. that doesn't come up right (well, trust IS a transitive verb) but well; not mentioning who and what and how, I know I do. I give almost everyone I come across a chance to be trusted and vice versa, but if they turned me down once in a while, that doesn't mean I'll give up trusting them. I still do. It hurts me a little--maybe--but that's what you'll get when you trust people. You'll be disappointed sometimes, because nobody's perfect and whatever reason they want to keep your faith, sometimes they just can't. I understand and I accept that. Even when it makes my heart clenched a little. Like now.
When you trust things, they won't disappoint you like people do. Maybe you kinda feel betrayed when you really need a call and your cellphone won't give you a chance or when you need your midnight snack but they just have to be out of stock right then, but that's that and they don't hurt. They're just irritating. Sometimes frustrating. But never hurt--or at least in my case.
As I was saying, I know trusting people is not always pleasant. But still doing it, knowing it'll hurt you sometimes is not stupid. It's also what I called trust. You trust you to trust people. Or in this case, I trust me to trust people. I trust me not to break down and I trust me to don't mind it when I do. I trust me in so many things, and one of them is this. Because.. you know. Not trusting is kinda scary. It makes you insecure, afraid, suspicious and plain uncomfortable. Right?
But still, because I am not perfect, I have to trust something--someone; force; an existence--that will never, ever, ever betray me. That will never, ever, ever break my trust and crush my heart into pieces.
But there actually is one existence that will never falter; that will always keep Its promises; that will always be close to you; knows you best; and It has anything and everything you need for an existence that you can trust wholly and eternally. (Well. At least that's what I believe.)
That existence is what I called God.
Which will always be a thing that some people without faith raised their eyebrows at; but it's not that it'll change the fact He's great and all, so it doesn't matter. Because I know we living creatures are great, more so when we're humans. But weaklings are those who don't know a glimpse of truth about being weak; I know I'm weak--and I need somewhere; someone; something I can trust and lean on, forever--so I probably somewhere in the middle. After all, recognition is half-way cure, right?
Anyway. Trust is a really, really big thing. That's why you should trust big things (or people) too. And one particular existence that is so great, It can't be touched by senses and can't be proved by sciences.
That way, trusting other things doesn't really matter anymore. And now every time when I feel alone, I think of this and it turns out that I'm not so lonely after all.
(a.k.a. why having a God is super convenient)
"Bagus ran, emang jangan percaya diri. Percaya tuh sama Tuhan."
"Kalo orang beriman sama Allah, dia nggak akan takut atau sedih."
- Mama
Katlyn: "Do you trust me?"
Eden: "Not at all."
Katlyn: "Then this will be scary."
p.s. Thank's to Dillute for the inspiring post!
p.p.s. It's D-1 guys!
1 comment:
It's true that trusting someone could hurt you, but hey, we need those pain to know we are alive, at least our heart is.. I enjoy reading your post, keep writing! :P
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