isi judul sendiri aja deh

ini mau jam 11 terus rani gelap-gelapan ngetik di komputer kayak orang buka bokep takut ketauan. sedih banget nggak? itu gara-gara adek rani kesilauan mau baca hape doang dan kamar rani sendiri aja nggak punya. ya sampe sekarang rani juga nggak pengen kamar sendiri, entar pas gede kangen. lagian rani belum perlu privasi. kamar ini aja dipake berdua tapi diisinya mungkin dalam sehari bisa nggak nyampe 2 jam di kamar kecuali bobo.

sebenernya sempet mikir mau ngisi ini blog pake bahasa inggris aja untuk seteru seterus seterusnya, tapi rani orang indonesia terus kalo semua orang indonesia nulis blog pake bahasa inggris nanti bahasa indonesia punah deh kan kesian makanya rani nulis pake bahasa indonesia aja deh............................................................... NGGAK DENG BOONG itu sebenernya baru kepikiran sama rani seiring rani ngetik tapi aslinya adalah alasan klise dan menahun: MALES dan yang baca juga paling kalo bukan orang-orang baik nan dermawan yang suka buka blog rani karena kenal atau mungkin siapa kek orang sial lagi iseng terus ketemu blog rani deh. MAAF YA yang sial bukannya maksud merusak keperawanan mata anda dengan tulisan ginian tapi sayang sekali anda tidak beruntung semoga anda dapat hoki deh abis ini. ngertikan? paling yang ngeh dan liat juga orang indonesia so aidonker lah bule juga nggak ada yang mau baca blog rani. terus? ya bodo amet kenapa rani jelasin panjang lebar adalah karena nggak ada alasan khusus. yak selesai pembukaan post kali ini mari kita tutup dengan wasiat (APASIH *marah sendiri)

tau capek nggak? tau nggak capek nular? tau nggak mood jelek nular? NULAR TAU BENER DEH. kalo disekitar mengeluarkan energi positif dan gembira kamu pasti kena tapi NIH YA ini musim sibuk stres dan banyak kegiatan dan tes dan seleksi babibubebo jadi semua orang dalam masa kepuasan marginalnya nol dan semakin minus serta capek. dan capek. apa definisi capek? apalah cari sendiri rani bukan nona tahu segalanya maaf ya. dan konklusinya adalah? jeng jeng jeng jeng rani ketularan! tidaaak sebenernya rani termasuk orang yang kena epidemi ini bukan ketularan tapi ya sebenernya rani nggak mau nularin ke orang tapi akhir-akhir ini wajah rani gampang membete deh, kayak ada gitu ya yang ngeliatin wajah rani tapi nggak apa deh usaha (hah)

terus nih ya rani mau banyak hal. tapi budget line rani tidak sampai ke indifference curve nya! abis gimana dong rani masih belum punya pekerjaan tetap yang menghasilkan uang, jadi tentu saja. dan banyak pengeluaran... dan budget line rani tidak dapat menutupi pengeluaran rani. rani terpaksa harus minta duit.

dan voila rrani kembali sepeti semula nih mau bobo aja besok kayaknya rani kering kayak jemuran abis diperes soalnya banyak banget yang harus dikerjain. dan oh! ini udah mau jam 12! bagus rani, jangan pertahankan prestasi ini.

eh? anda bule? sabar ya!

nggak ngerti yaaaaaaaaaaa? semangat deh.

kapan terakhir rani curhat, oh sedetik yang lalu

iya sebenernya minggu ini kayaknya detik-detik kematian deh banyak banget garis mati sama hari H nyaa sama tugas dan tes! wawawawaw susah deh ya jadi orang biasa bukan orang super kalo lagi banyak tugas bawaannya umur pendek terus kayaknya detik-detik membunuh padahal rani masih sma nggak kebayang nanti kalo rani kuliah, terus kerja, terus punya anak kayak apaan tau deh urusannya, mungkin disusun bisa setinggi gunung kalimanjaro (gaya banget gitu ya berasa punya umur) nah kan mulai deh sesi curhat.

sesi curhat satu. plis rani nggak mau ranking rani turun ampun ampun rani mau dapet beasiswa atau pmdk aja supaya nggak usah belajar banyak-banyak buat ujian ptn nanti rani cepet botak nih huhuhuhuu amin kayaknya asik banget deh itu kakak-kakak yang keterima di luar negeri sekali nya langsung keterima di universitas ternama udah gitu nggak usah pake duit cuma pake otak duh keren banget nggak seneng kan punya anak kayak gitu. rani juga mau belajar tapi nggak keluar duit! asik banget.

sesi curhat dua. ini leyot rani belum selesai juga foto kelas belum dapet private page baru nanyain anak 2012 waaa ada foto belom kesensor. ketua bt rani orangnya sangat strong dan tabah buktinya rani aja ngurus artistik doang rasanya kecekek akar pohon beringin nah dia ngurus SEMUA SEKSI semoga hidupnya tenang dan damai dan tau nggak oooooooooh naik cetak 3 mei! gimana kalo rani nyanyi menghitung hari. dumdumdumdum.

sesi curhat tiga. rani mau nulis artikel bebas yang bermutu nih tapi tentang apa ya kok bingung padahal rani seneng banget cuap-cuap curhat. jangan sampe ntar artikel rani isinya cuap-cuap curhat. yang keren dikit kek apa gitu. misalnya tentang misi penyelamatan umat manusia dari bahaya semut mutan atau proses daur ulang plastik akua jadi mesin mobil hybird tapi nggak mungkin deh soalnya judulnya aja rani ngarang. garis matinya lumayan tanggal 5 mei, nanti buat what's in intern rani minta tolong angkatan bawah aaah (contoh penyalahgunaan kekuasaan sekaligus pengefisiensian sumber daya manusia). tapi abis maker.

sesi curhat empat. sejak rani takut masalah nama rani salah di hasil seleksi OSK kemaren, rani mimpi beberapa hari lalu. intinya mimpi itu adalah aneh tapi aneh deh pokoknya aneh. dikit sih (nggak konsisten). ya terus rani baru pelatihan sekali (sedangkan yang lain udah kayak apaan tau kali ya zrut zruut *minum susu ultra) dan kayaknya semangat rani belajar ekonomi menurun drastis tis. udah kayak tetesan air hujan di gurun sahara. nggak deng itu mah nggak ada ya. yaah.. kayak apa kek sisa air di cangkir abis minum kopi deh yang ama ampas-ampas itu, tuh segitu kali ya. moga-moga aja cangkirnya gede gitu se-republik cina jadinya semangatnya nggak dikit-dikit amat amin.

sesi curhat lima. nih ya rani bendahara schoolympic tapi rani berasa gabut banget nih kayak vacum cleaner rusak nggak becus disuruh macem-macem semoga buat selanjutnya rani bisa kontribusi lebih amin nggak enak jadinya huhu mana belum dapet sponsor resmi padahal ini udah H-2 bulan nih! semoga lancar semoga sukses semoga asik. btw rani pernah doa supaya punya banyak uang, tapi rani nggak tau ternyata rani malah dijadiin bendahara. iya sih uangnya banyak tapi bukan rani yang punya. duh ironi.

sesi curhat enam (ini curhat banyak banget sesinya lebih banyak dari tahap ratifikasi--sotoy--) PELITA. MINGGU DEPAN. NGGAK ADA DUIT. terus? rani koor dana! gimana kalo rani pindah rumah aja ke ukraina terus buka usaha toko donat (lebay) nggak deng canda lagian rani nggak punya duit buat terbang kesana. semoga aja lancar.

sesi curhat tujuh. yunowwat hari sabtu ada.... jeng jeng jeng jeng 8 mission dan itu juga maker mesis tahun 2010 nih waaw gimana ya alamat rani pulang-pulang tewas sampe senin. btw rani nggak punya tuh baju ijo ungu ataupun emas, brb maling. (otak kriminal)

sesi curhat delapan. rani akhir-akhir ini, dan yakinnya sampai minggu sekolah berakhir, akan membawa tas yang berat. aih. dari smp tas yang berat adalah sekian dari hal termenyebalkan yang ada di jagat raya. tas berat. huhuhu. nangis. apaboleh buat harus cepet-cepet ngedit kan wuawauwua

sesi curhat sembilan. tau nggak tes? tau nggak males masuk sekolah? nah ini dilema, rani minggu ini banyak tes tak terelakkan padahal rani mau bolos. gimana dong. sejak kapan rani bolos? kapan ya. sebenernya kebiasaan bolos terhenti pas masuk 8 tapi kenapa terulang lagi.. karena rani kekurangan liburan. oh plis. manusia mana yang kurang liburan kalo sekolah di 8? (sotoy) semua orang menuntut libur! libur, jaya!

sesi curhat sepuluh. kalo nginget masa sma... kayaknya penuh kerjaan ya. bagus lah ada yang bisa diinget-inget. gaya banget nggak bahasa rani kayak udah lulus wakaka. nggak deng ini nih kalo males ngerjain tugas agama ngomong aja ngelantur. kalo rani nulis pake bahasa inggerish sih rani pake kata ganti orang pertama nggak ribet tapi eyd rani benerin soalnya aneh, sayangnya rani nggak peduli ya mau bule baca juga nggak rani inggerishin deh males udah kesian sih ini mah pake gugle translet juga nggak akan bisa kebaca sangkingkan tata bahasa rani ancur.

sesi curhat terakhir. bingung mau masuk apa ntar pas kuliah nanti. sok banget nggak bakal lulus? sok banget nggak bakal naik kelas? idih.

mango tree.

"Pohon mangga itu biarpun berubah sepanjang tahun, tumbuh besar, menggugurkan daun, tumbuh lagi, dia akan tetap jadi pohon mangga. Mau dia berganti daun setiap tahun, batangnya dikikis pun, akarnya tetap akar pohon mangga. Dan dia tetap pohon mangga. Walaupun dia sendiri nggak tau kalo dia pohon mangga." -a friend

A realization came after I talked to another friend. But still. I believe that! A mango tree will be forever mango tree no matter what season and what happened to it. rani too! rani will be forever rani no matter what kind of environment and what happened to her. Even though she doesn't realize that she's a rani.

Because rani has a root too. Inside her heart. And that one won't change.

InsyaAllah.

Let's just say I'm bored.

Hallo! I'm in Bandung at the moment, yea. I'm using English for no particular reason, not for practice, no, just... neh I dunno. Sometimes you have to do things without reason to keep you sane.

So yeah. What now. Mmm I'm not in a really good condition these days, I feel like I lost myself, like, Where the heck is rani?? Who are you and what have you done to her?! that kind of feeling. Or thoughts. I can't tell. Because somehow these days I think I'm a bit out-of-character. Not literally, since I'm still rani and I don't think I had been abducted by aliens in my sleep, but you know. It's rarely happen, losing control of myself. And what I meant by 'rarely' is 'I-don't-remember-it-happened-before'. Even when I'm in PMS, or when people annoy me so, when days betray me and so on. Except when I cried. It's like smiling. I don't know when I'll cry because it's just.. I dunno. Reflex. Without impulses. Really. I like to cry as much as I like to smile. I really do. It keeps me sane. If I said that I'm crying because I'm angry, or I'm laughing because I'm happy, or vice versa, then it's not literally true--I'm not lying, it's partly true but not literally, get it?--Never believe me if my reasons are logic.

But those things are none of your concern, nor anyone, not even me, maybe. Maybe I'm starting to change. Because everyone will change sometime, and maybe it's about time, and I don't mind changing if it makes me happy and good. And maybe I'm not changing at all. Because I may not want to change, and I realize that there are things will change me, and that's why I'm mad. I'm not used to it and don't want to adapt and I keep deny it until I lost and forget when to stop. Maybe. I don't even think it makes sense. Okay I'll stop!

Now what?

Oh yea. When I'm younger, people (my friends) used to write their opinion about me in my note book. Or something. I'll get the same opinions again and again and again for years. I don't know whether it's bad or not. I hope I never pretend to be those things they say about me, unconsciously. Because it feels weird. I don't think that I'm one of those people write about me. So how come they wrote that? There must be something I did, or still do, cause it. And at least I know when I'm pretending and when I'm not. Doing things when you don't realize it is never fun.

Let's get to the next topic. People. I like many people a lot. But I'm not mature enough to sacrifice things for their sake. And not mature enough to care, and not mature enough to.. I don't know. Do things for people you really like. I really like them sincerely. But I think I'm so full of myself I can't do things people do when they like someone. I wonder if I really like them at all... but I'm sure I do! I really do! Honest! Maybe when I grow older, I'll understand what it means to really like someone. I'll be mature enough for not to be egoist--no matter how humane that is--and I'll be good. Maybe. I know things not necessarily solved even when you got older but I'm pretty sure that time is the best doctor (or so I read) I'll see more things and learn more things as time passes and things will change I'm sure I'll understand, the answer will come up then. Whether it's tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, weeks, months, years, decade, or maybe in a minute. Or seconds. The thing is, I'll never know if there's enough time for me to get the answer. And that's what I like the most about life.

And the reason why I'm not that fond of science. Well, some of them. Most of them separate things in two (as far as I concerned) always. True and False, Yes or No, and you can always determined what is wrong and what is right--everything is certain--when you see things with science. They call it logic. They call it rational. But as far as I know, as far as I believe, world never friends with those. You must not think with those if you want to find the most realistic conclusions. I think what people meant by logic was things they are used to watch and feel. Sometimes include things that they can imagine and fantasize to happen. Still. Logic and rationality is one thing that will change from time to time. History proves that. I believe those. Yet people still stick with it. People think, of course. But.. never believe them too much. Thoughts often misleading. Well. Not just thoughts. Senses also often misleading. I may not the wisest person in the world, nor genius, nor extraordinary people so you don't have to agree. I like to think. I like to feel. That's the reason why I was called human. Also the very same reason why God let human live in this earth. Thoughts and senses are the only weapon human use and need to survive in this dirty and cruel reality. But what makes them misleading is how human use them. Or so I think. Well... I think. Huh? Somehow those last lines contradict the point of this paragraph.. And somehow irrelevant in my head. Or not. Blame the grammars.

Did I just typed that? Must be the weather.

Oh. And another thing.

I'm so happy when people think I'm nice. I'm sorry if I'm not that nice.