Of Thoughts of People.

Hi there! I’m writing this on Ms word at the moment, because I’m not connected to the internet and I just have this urge to write, even though I don’t know what it is.

You know, I had that urge at a lot of times. Sometimes I’m like, ‘Okay! I’ll write it!’ and then I write it on my blog and post it. Sometimes I let it in drafts, most of them never been posted until I erase it for good, and sometimes I just let it slide because I think it’s not important enough, sort of cliché (while most of mine IS cliché) or just... doesn’t matter and then forget about it.

But well. I think I go with curhat session this time. I don’t think it’ll be posted but well. I’m alone writing in ms word so why stop? Hahaha.

I’m getting a hold of myself, thinking about particular person... or people. Sometimes thinking about particular person makes me feel weird; there are mixed feelings, like, sometimes excitement, happy, disturbed, frustrating, and the list go on. And sometimes it’s just not fun for me, you know? Because I have things I want to think about and those particular people won’t leave me and my thoughts alone. The thing is, I know how bad it’ll turn out if I just let it slide, so whenever the thought of those particular people cross my mind, I stop whatever I’m thinking about so I could just think about them, so... maybe my mind will be satisfied and let me think about something else.

If there are any thoughts I don’t like to have, it’s thoughts about people. Or person. Or particular person or particular people. I don’t know, I just do.

I like to think about ideas and... uh. I think just ideas. Ideas and random thoughts that is not-so-people-oriented-or-any-creature-in-particular. It’s fun, it’s free, it’s... just... I can think about anything and everything and I won’t feel bad for thinking about it.

It’s different when I’m thinking about particular person or people. Sometimes I think about nice things they did, or bad things they did; what they have or didn’t have; their opinions; their looks; their words; something like that. Sometimes I want to hug them, sometimes I miss them; sometimes I want to kick them in the face or maybe shut their mouth for good forever... or something like that.

And after that thoughts, although as I said they caused mixed feelings, most of it are feelings of... guilt. Or sadness. Because when I think about people, I usually ended up judging them and I don’t know them enough to... think so. I just, you know. It’s useless for thinking about people because no matter what you think, they are they and you can’t change that. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad and you just have to deal with it and thinking about it won’t make any difference. And thinking about them won’t change the reality, as things are over and there are things going on right now, so yeah. Pretty useless, if you ask me.

And it makes me uneasy, to think that maybe, when I miss this particular person, she or he might not feel the same, or maybe when I explained something to them, they just can’t see it my way and they don’t understand (maybe they don’t even try to), and I think I’ll blame them for being stupid. Sometimes I’m excited, thinking about them makes me happy, happy of times we shared and all, but... train of thoughts never really stay away from bad track and maybe I’ll be sad because it’s over or something.

See? Like that. That’s why I don’t like thinking about people or a person in particular. Eventually, they’ll give you headache and they usually breed a lot of baby thoughts about other people (sometimes ideas but mostly people) and there you go. But! Sometimes thoughts aren’t always about things we have to think about or want to think about. Sometimes it just crosses our minds and we have no choice but to think about it. That’s why it sort of frustrates me from time to time, and right now, I’m trying to get a hold of myself for real (putting up with it and ignoring it when the times over ain’t nice I guess; it means I just don’t learn). I’m saving my thoughts so I don’t waste it on little matters (like those particular people or person), in case in the future there’s this particular person or people that have to be on my mind 24/7 because they’re just... very, very, important.

Thoughts about ideas are fun, even though articles about ideas I love to read are limited hahaha. And my ideas aren’t really special and don’t really give any particular impact, but hey! At least they don’t get me mixed feelings. What’s more fun is thoughts about stories, because the unreal-ness (or the ‘too good to be true’-ness or the ‘whatever you’re searching in a story’ that sometimes real but just happen to be not ours at the moment) is exactly an entertainment for when the boredom of the so-called real life strikes. That’s why people that are fun are people who see life as if it’s a story (which it is) and wrap it up nicely so others can see or/and laugh or/and inspired by it.