Because No One Really Wants To Be Alone "Alone"

Heyho everyone! I have a pretty hectic week recently, and sure there'll be more to come but yeah days are pretty hectic. It's just a week, or so, since I made my last post but since then I already have, what, a lot of to-do's on the list. Or not, since they're all've been crossed (proud). And I realized something!

To have someone you can depend on is a very wonderful thing.

..I wrote that correctly, right?

You see. Most people I know like to do their job.. alone. Individually. With a very reasonable and very understandable reasons, of course.

So that I can do whatever I like in my own pace, they say. So that I don't have to seek others approval to make an action, they say. So that I don't need to arrange meetings to settle whatever, they say.

As you see and as I put it, even though people enjoy having authority over their own job, people need... People need. Ugh. People need something, to depend on. Wait that's wrong.

I mean, that's right but putting it like that won't explain anything.

People need.. something to believe. People need to know that they won't mess things up, to know that there's something worth after all the trouble, to know that there are reasons not to die even if they messed up.

People need to know and remember, but sometime along the way, people usually forget.

They need reminders and sometimes it's a person.



(Or a cat)

Dealing with People Who are Pretty Annoying

I hate it when I happen to be angry or annoyed at anyone, because, well. It's unpleasant. I don't like it. I'm not easily annoyed or angry, but when I do, I don't like it.

But, years having to deal with that, I learned to ease it (or erase it altogether), so I don't feel annoyed or angry anymore! And that's what I'm going to share here. This is what I do when shrugging things off doesn't cut it anymore. Maybe it'll help you too! Well. That, if you need one.

When it happens with people I don't know; (rarely happens) I usually try to curse them in my mind, but then I thought about me being cursed by things I did. I shuddered at the thought. So I change my mind and try to curse their parents instead (for they brought this kid to the world and they suck at educating them). And then I feel sorry for them because maybe it's not their fault after all; maybe these people are bad by nature and their parents had tried their best to make them good but to no avail. A sad thought, but hey! I don't feel angry or annoyed anymore. 

When it happens with people I know, but not close to; (pretty often; usually trivial things but annoying anyway) I always think that I'm not being fair; that I think so because I don't know them well enough. That I'm annoyed because it was them who did it and it would be different if people that are close to me did the same. And I'll imagine so; imagine that the said action were done by people close to me. And then I'd thought, "Hey, what they did wasn't so bad after all". I won't feel angry or annoyed anymore.

When it happens with people I'm close to; (happens a lot, and usually because of pretty big and sensitive things) I try to imagine that they will die tomorrow. I try to imagine what life would be if they weren't here anymore. Usually I'd regret having the said anger or annoyance in the first place, that I love them too much to be bothered by those little things that make me angry or whatever. So yeah.

If those doesn't work, there are two alternatives (in which I very rarely did) I have in sleeve. And these two applies to every category I've mentioned.

First alternative, I tried to imagine that they will have a very gruesome and graphic death just in a blink of an eye, a punishment by God and a counter-attack by universe--a very awful death--one that makes me feel bad for them and instead of anger, I feel pity. 

Or, I would remind myself that I'm going to die sooner or later, that they actually don't matter but for a while. Nothing to be worked up about.

And voila!

I'm not angry or annoyed anymore!

Pretty simple right? I actually had a lot of thoughts to distract me from being annoyed or angry, but these are things that, well. I think will work for most people :] Or is it?

I'm Trying and I Think I'm Failing

I'm trying, so hard, to be good. Okay scratch that. To maintain my goodness. I think. Yeah.

I've become terrible in a way, in which I have no fear of being late at class, that I don't feel like ditching class is a big deal anymore. I've lost a motivation to know things that are fun to know, I've lost the need to study. And then I'd be tired and complain how tired I was.

My mind has turned into pile of dump. My thoughts are terrible. They have become terrible. So terrible I'm ashamed of myself.

It's hard to fix myself because I'm too weak for that, I know. So I tried to maintain what is left but it's so hard when it seems everything is pushing me to know things that I don't want to know. To let me experience stuffs I don't want to experience. To throw reality at my face.

I then come to think if it's the price I have to pay in terms of growing up. I cannot unsee things that are bad just because I don't want to be bad. I cannot live in a bubble of mine where everything is nice and pretty and smells wonderful. I cannot narrow down my mind into things that I want to think about because there are stuffs I want to consider even when I don't want to. That there are times where I have no choice but to stand on a place in oppose to others, even when I hate that.

But I want to be good despite everything and I want to be genuine despite everything.

I just lost the line of being pathetic and being good. 

That's Selfish!

Halo!

Ah, it's been more or less a month since my previous post. I used to post stuff once a day, then once a week, now one in a month. I don't know if it's the lack of time, or maybe just the lack of stuffs that I can share. It's a given that our younger self thought that a lot of things--including thoughts and ideas--are fascinating, since most of those are probably their firsts... things that are "worthy" to post on their blog. Things they want to remember.

Ahem, anyway!

Something come to my mind recently. I've always been selfish. I've always been ignorant too, but mostly selfish. I do things I want to do and say what I want to say. People around me allow me to. And those who matters love me anyway. So I did. (I am spoiled like that)

These days I can't be too selfish on doing stuffs because there are things that I bound to do because it's an obligation or a job or something that I committed to do or there are others who are involved and depend on it too. So I do them even if I don't really like them, but that's not because I'm not selfish--because it's my responsibility.

But what I really want to point here is that I think being selfish is not bad. In fact, I expect people to be selfish. I expect them to only care about themselves and their loved ones. I mean, there are times that you're not doing things for your own benefits because there are things that you value more--like "giving things to people in need or people you care about" or maybe things like friendship or love or religion or concept of tolerance or other basic principle. But isn't keeping those values count as selfish too?

The thing is, I think people have the right to be selfish. More than that, to some extent I think that for whatever reason, every human action is naturally selfish. I don't think one can be blamed for putting themselves before anyone. Everyone is born different so as an individual with independent mind, heart, and body, of course they need to think of themselves--stand for their ideas, protect their principle, do what's important for them--before others. But that doesn't give them the right to be mean. That doesn't give them the right to cheat or steal or do whatever-things-evil.

That doesn't give anyone the right--the justification--to violate others' freedom. Or well being. Or stuffs. Or their whatevers.

Just because what others' have or do or want are in the way or contradict your personal interest, that doesn't mean that it justifies you taking it away from them as you're just being "selfish". No. That's you being mean. Being selfish means that everything you do or say or think based on or revolves around you and your interest and your principle and whatnots. Being selfish doesn't mean you can do or say or think everything because it's based on or revolves around you and your interest and your anything. That's just terrible.

In short, don't ever feel bad if you're selfish. Selfish is normal. Just like being angry. Angry is normal. But even if you're selfish--even if you're angry or pissed or feeling unreasonably annoyed beyond belief--you don't have the right to do stuffs that hurt other people. You don't have the right to be mean.

No one has the right to be mean!

So don't be mean. Don't be evil.

"To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others." 

— Albert Camus