Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Of Thoughts of People.

Hi there! I’m writing this on Ms word at the moment, because I’m not connected to the internet and I just have this urge to write, even though I don’t know what it is.

You know, I had that urge at a lot of times. Sometimes I’m like, ‘Okay! I’ll write it!’ and then I write it on my blog and post it. Sometimes I let it in drafts, most of them never been posted until I erase it for good, and sometimes I just let it slide because I think it’s not important enough, sort of cliché (while most of mine IS cliché) or just... doesn’t matter and then forget about it.

But well. I think I go with curhat session this time. I don’t think it’ll be posted but well. I’m alone writing in ms word so why stop? Hahaha.


I’m getting a hold of myself, thinking about particular person... or people. Sometimes thinking about particular person makes me feel weird; there are mixed feelings, like, sometimes excitement, happy, disturbed, frustrating, and the list go on. And sometimes it’s just not fun for me, you know? Because I have things I want to think about and those particular people won’t leave me and my thoughts alone. The thing is, I know how bad it’ll turn out if I just let it slide, so whenever the thought of those particular people cross my mind, I stop whatever I’m thinking about so I could just think about them, so... maybe my mind will be satisfied and let me think about something else.

If there are any thoughts I don’t like to have, it’s thoughts about people. Or person. Or particular person or particular people. I don’t know, I just do.

I like to think about ideas and... uh. I think just ideas. Ideas and random thoughts that is not-so-people-oriented-or-any-creature-in-particular. It’s fun, it’s free, it’s... just... I can think about anything and everything and I won’t feel bad for thinking about it.


It’s different when I’m thinking about particular person or people. Sometimes I think about nice things they did, or bad things they did; what they have or didn’t have; their opinions; their looks; their words; something like that. Sometimes I want to hug them, sometimes I miss them; sometimes I want to kick them in the face or maybe shut their mouth for good forever... or something like that.

And after that thoughts, although as I said they caused mixed feelings, most of it are feelings of... guilt. Or sadness. Because when I think about people, I usually ended up judging them and I don’t know them enough to... think so. I just, you know. It’s useless for thinking about people because no matter what you think, they are they and you can’t change that. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad and you just have to deal with it and thinking about it won’t make any difference. And thinking about them won’t change the reality, as things are over and there are things going on right now, so yeah. Pretty useless, if you ask me.

And it makes me uneasy, to think that maybe, when I miss this particular person, she or he might not feel the same, or maybe when I explained something to them, they just can’t see it my way and they don’t understand (maybe they don’t even try to), and I think I’ll blame them for being stupid. Sometimes I’m excited, thinking about them makes me happy, happy of times we shared and all, but... train of thoughts never really stay away from bad track and maybe I’ll be sad because it’s over or something.



See? Like that. That’s why I don’t like thinking about people or a person in particular. Eventually, they’ll give you headache and they usually breed a lot of baby thoughts about other people (sometimes ideas but mostly people) and there you go. But! Sometimes thoughts aren’t always about things we have to think about or want to think about. Sometimes it just crosses our minds and we have no choice but to think about it. That’s why it sort of frustrates me from time to time, and right now, I’m trying to get a hold of myself for real (putting up with it and ignoring it when the times over ain’t nice I guess; it means I just don’t learn). I’m saving my thoughts so I don’t waste it on little matters (like those particular people or person), in case in the future there’s this particular person or people that have to be on my mind 24/7 because they’re just... very, very, important.

Thoughts about ideas are fun, even though articles about ideas I love to read are limited hahaha. And my ideas aren’t really special and don’t really give any particular impact, but hey! At least they don’t get me mixed feelings. What’s more fun is thoughts about stories, because the unreal-ness (or the ‘too good to be true’-ness or the ‘whatever you’re searching in a story’ that sometimes real but just happen to be not ours at the moment) is exactly an entertainment for when the boredom of the so-called real life strikes. That’s why people that are fun are people who see life as if it’s a story (which it is) and wrap it up nicely so others can see or/and laugh or/and inspired by it.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

My this year resolution!

..I guess.

Hahaha.

I've always thought.. urhm scratch that. I thought that resolutions are trash (for me!), because I'm not the kind of person who follows things I've said or written or planned, Idk if it's because I'm too young for this or if that's just me in general and for forever, so yeah, it doesn't really make any difference whether I make one or not.

For example. I have this book that I planned to be my no. 1 source of my random thoughts written. But it failed. It's hard to keep track of what's in your mind and it's hard for me to commit on writing every time things weird or nice or whatever cross my mind so there. I think I'll turn this book into 'quotes I made and stole that would be nice to be on script or so I thought'. And I had wanted to change my writing style. Look where it got me. OH. And I had written what I wanna be in the future, around this time but a year ago, in my blog, and.. here I am. I still think it's.. appealing, but Idk! I just.. I change my mind a lot! And I'm proud of it! We'll just see what the future has in its sleeve hehehehehe.

So! When it comes to something like this, like planning or foreseeing or predicting or whatever, I suck! Well.. not for some cases but I'm just not the kind of.. 'Journal' and 'Dear, Diary..' or something like that. Wait. Is it relevant? Because I think it still is.. but.. do you guys get it? No? Too bad, I'm going to continue anyway.

But why now? If I know that I'm not meant for this thing (sort of..) why do I do this? BECAUSE! I think I'm doing a different kind of resolution than what people usually do.

You see, instead of making a list of something 'I want to have but don't at the moment' or 'I want to do but didn't.. until now', I'm going to list things I want to keep doing or having, or things I want to stay for for...ever or things I already have and want more!

...Is that different kind of resolution or is it the same? According to its definition I don't think it's different, then again, I don't really pay attention to this kind of thing so Idk. But yeah! That's what I'll do!




Without further ado, this is my resolutions!

1. To be nice.
2. Important people around me feel loved. At least by me.
3. To be happy.
4. To love.
5. To smile.


Every other things can come and go, but I think these are enough job for me to do at least for a year if not forever. I want to see if I do this right, and even if I don't, at least I tried to! That's what counts, right?

So yeah. Happy another year! I don't mind for me to change, because both never and forever are a very long time, so I don't mind changing! Or else I'll be bored. But!! There are things I want to stay and keep because it makes a good enough me until now so why not for a very long time?

But we'll see.



p.s. That awkward moment when 'without further ado' is a further ado itself.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Questions and Whatnots

Hi guys! Miss me?

No? Oh.

Have you ever realized that I've often sounded like there's anyone out there, reading this blog and therefore use a conversational-like sentences in the opening of a writing?

Have you ever realized that I've often written rhetorical question with no relation whatsoever to the context I suppose to deliver?

Have you ever wonder?

No? Not that I mind, no, not at all.





I'm always flattered when people ask me something... that is actually a question, when they have others to ask to. I try my best to give a decent reply, but sometimes.. I can't.

Because.


You see guys, I'm not much of a critic. Yes, I criticize things a lot, but that's when they cross in my line of sight (or life. Or work. Or maybe something else). And when it happens so, that's when I have a certain thought about that certain things, and that's when I tried to find the answer for whatever questions popped up because of it.

For other things.. not really. (I think it's called Apathy, but you can never be too sure)

Yes! I believe every single thing exists and happens for a reason, which reason I know some and some aren't; and I don't mind for not knowing some. Not just because (sometimes) I just can't bring myself to care, but also because what good would I brought if I know so?



Some questions aren't made to be answered; maybe just not now, but maybe not ever. Who knows. I think what made questions exist is the process of getting the answer, not the answer itself! Because sometimes, realizations are there when you're trying to find an answer, not in the answer itself.

To be fair, I would love to think that it's just an excuse for me because sometimes I just don't care and I'm too lazy to think about a matter or two.

But what's wrong with that?

Friday, December 16, 2011

FISIP UI's Gelas Maba 2011

Hello guys! I'm going to rant and rants are never objective (it's a blog anyway, why should it ever be objective?) but first of all, what's up with Blogger's new entry? I feel awkward writing this :/

Anyway.

Last Wednesday was, as the title says, FISIP UI's Gelas Maba 2011. Gelas Maba stands for Gelar Apresiasi Seni Mahasiswa Baru (pls CMIIW) and that pretty much describe the event itself, is it not? No? Then I'll help you.

In Gelas Maba, freshmen from 8 majors in FISIP compete through performance arts that actually can be anything; but this year, every major has different theme of what to perform. The theme was countries. In which Communication was China; Administration was India; International Relation was Middle East; Criminology was Mexico; Politics was South Africa; Anthropology was South Korea; Social Welfare was Hawaii and Sociology was Italy.

Every single one of them are good and brilliant but I'm not going to tell how did it go for every single major except for the best 3 majors' performances. And those are Politics, Criminology and Communication. Oh, and sorry for the lack of photos, I think I'll post them out later, if I'm not too lazy to do so.

(Fyi, every single year since the event started, Comm had always got the 1st place. Not for this year, sorry to say. But nevertheless, let me review how did it go.)




Politics was awesome. It was good. Here's the list of whys (in my opinion):
Their theme was South Africa and they brought up a sort of out-of-the-box theme; The Lion King. And why is that sort of out-of-the-box? The only major that use fable as their main plot was Politics. I did not see that coming at all. The opening was a 'BOOM'. There was a classy so-african-ish music produced by used bottles and that sort of stuff. It was very creative and the music was nice to hear. The story was ordinary, but I have to admit, the narrator was a total win. I practically see the soul of Rafiki in his performance (not exaggerating). He was the main source of laughter and he deserved the Best Artist award. The ending was a climax; the censored kiss was well played and very entertaining, the following dancing flashmob was good. The background real leaf and tree trunks. They even brought SNAKES! A real, living and breathing snakes. I already thought of no chance of winning for Comm when I see those snakes. That snakes was, was, was... I don't have a word for it but I like those snakes. It was very, very Africa.

But every good performance must've had its bad right?

You bet it has. Even though it was true that the fable theme was no ordinary plot (there, at that moment) it was a adaptation of Lion King and it reminds me of Lion King musical so so much. Not that it was a bad thing; adaptation wasn't bad, almost every ballet performance was a classic used over and over again. But it just means that it's not original in plot-wise. And personally, I regret that it was a Lion King, not Lion King 2. (I think it would be much more dramatic if it was the story of Kiara and Kovu's forbidden love and all, y'know. IT WOULD BE MUCH MORE DRAMATIC.) The love story in this performance was half.. uh. Half-cooked? Simba and Nala's scene was not so.. uh, important for me to remember. IMAGINE IF IT WAS KOVU AND KIARA And here's more: the fact that the narrator was so good, in the end, what I remember was the narrator part only; probably because the other scene wasn't so clear (there are too many scenes for a short-timed performance) and that's bad too, because if I have to be honest, I was only captivated by the narrator, mostly. The stabbing-thing and the censored kiss were too, but that's probably all. Another thing I regret from this performance was that, the change of scene was taking too long. It's a waste of time, I'd say. The supposed duration was 10 minutes but it was dragged too long. (It was worth it, I guess.) And another thing. It was good, but I sort of didn't see the performance as a whole; the opening music and the flashmob was not really intact with the story. Like, mm. The performance ends (the music ends) and then you add another performance (the drama) and then after it ends you add another performance (dance). But nevertheless, as I said above, overall it was good and awesome and very entertaining, despite all those things I mentioned.



The next one was Criminology. Criminology was fresh and funny, but I personally don't have very much comment regarding its performance.
It was good! Really! I laughed at a lot of scenes, as the judge says it was like watching a live OVJ. The actors are funny and good at what they're doing. They're all out, I sensed no awkwardness at what they're doing and the audience was happy. It was entertaining in joke sense and... pretty much that. Their forte was gags and jokes. I don't even know if it was in the script or every single one of them are born from improvisations on the stage. Very.. natural. The live mexican music and guitar instrument was good. SO so good. So mexican-ish and I like how they use guitar instrumental to accompany the narrator. And the blackman gag! It was creative and I didn't see that coming, LOL remembering it makes me laugh.

But like Politics, of course it has its bad too. First of all, maybe because I was a fairly visual person, I don't get much of a something visually attractive here, except for the dancers' and Maria's clothes. The plot... what plot? I don't see much of an appeal besides its jokes and gags. And the end was anti-climatic. I'm sorry. The cockroach joke was funny the first time, but to end the performance with the exact joke? ...It's not funny anymore. (for me. Again, for me.) And if I have to be honest, most of them are lame for my taste (I don't get most of the things the crowd laughs about) and there you go. See. I told you I don't have much of a comment.

But as I said, it's not because they're bad; they're good and very very funny and entertaining; they got the 2nd place, remember? But their sort of play was just not my taste (MINE. Not yours, and certainly not the judges').




The last but not least (but it turned out to be least of the three, the judge said, but not for me, absolutely) was Comm.

Communication was epitome of creative. Very. Very. Creative. Very. And for me, it was captivating. Fascinating. The kind of stage that makes me go WAW because of its creativity and out-of-the-box-ness. Maybe I'm biased, but here this out. (Going t be long because I got a lot of things to say)
The decoration was the best. It got everything you could ask for for the background. You see it as a bar; the background was a bar and it has a brick wall and chinese windows which one of them was opened and you can see a gleam of china town outside the window. And not just that you see it as a bar, you feel it as a bar too. There's a bartender in the back, making drink to a costumer and there are people with their foreign wives drinking and asking waitress' out. But as the atmosphere goes, you know who the focus was. The singing girl. And it played out simultaneously with those scene in the back. Salute! Because making things simultaneously goes like that is not a theatre thing; it's a movie scene. It was very very real and I was captivated by the movement and lively-ness it brought in the stage.

Is it all? NO! The singing girl was talking in REAL Chinese and how'd we know what she meant? Through subtitle of course! The idea itself was good and the execution was better. And then it has this scene where the guy fights with the bad guy. Wait. It's not a bad GUY. It's a GIRL. They fight and it has this power measurer (I don't know what it's called), the kind of thing you'll see above the screen when you're playing a fighting game and both players were doing their best move and you're trying your best to press every single button in the joystick to keep your character from losing. HOW COOL IS THAT? and WHO WOULD THINK OF THAT? And what's more is that you'll see that the players was not there out of the blue, the hero was there all along, watching his girlfriend from afar while drinking in the bar, the mafia thing didn't start out of the blue either. The start until the end was a whole performance. Those people who performed the dance are those guys in the bar before the commotion started, and it was ended beautifully. Everything there was so chinese; culture-wise, the set, the PEOPLE, even. It has the whole package. For a 10 minutes (maybe less) performance, it was very creative, very well-thought, and entertaining. And again, the set was awesome. I see red even after it ends. I have mentioned that I thought that there's no chance of winning for Comm to win after seeing the snakes from Politics' performance, haven't I? After seeing this, that thoughts were eaten by my cannibalistic brain.

But of course, it's not perfect.

There's no life music. Every single music you heard was a tape and well. So much for something 'musical'. The story was original but the plot definitely wasn't. It was an ordinary corny romance plot. But to be fair, I don't think other performances have 'original plot' either. The end was.. not so climax too. It was the climax, but not the kind of climax we expected to see from something that good! If you know what I mean. The expectation from seeing the set and all was not fulfilled, I guess. The story wasn't very much there; but hey, what to expect from a 10 minutes performance?




But yeah, call me biased and all. But please. As much as I know what makes Politics and Criminology won their places, Comm deserves more than 3rd place. What is it that the judges looking for? If the creativity and the idea of culture the country it presents was an important element of the performance score, Comm would've won easily. But maybe it was much more than that. The nonexistent life music was probably a big let down. Or is it not entertaining enough, huh?

I'm no expert, it's not that I've watched thousands of performance arts to have the right to say which one's better than others. But I know what I think was good and better and best and I have the right to say what I thought.

Once again I'd say: for 10 minutes performance, it was awesome. Others didn't even fulfill that requirement. (Not bragging, but still) Time was a very crucial element. To make something so 'whole' in such a short time was something that has to be highly appreciated. Also, the atmosphere it has was not an easy task either. You see, it's easier too coordinate 3 people to act on stage, rather than 14 people to act; every single one has their own role to perform and STILL have the main focus as THE MAIN FOCUS.

AND BESIDES, all of the performers was, like, straight from China or something. Aren't they count for 'Originality' points? (I wish)





And HUFF. There. My rant ends there.


But hey, everything's said and done and that's the result. And every result is the best. Every cloud has silver linings, remember? Call me mean but I kinda.. feel sort-of glad for not winning. If winning this would cause a storm of arrogance inside the heart of Comm 2011 for preparing it by themselves (with a quote mark), then I guess I'm okay with not winning. Besides, Comm has proven that they're the best of what they do best; although we're not winning. (Did I mention 'not winning' too much? It's not a very fair term though, we ARE winning...... the 3rd place)

But even saying so, I still feel bitter (being a sore loser that I am). AGH. That performance deserves more than 3rd place, I tell you! BUT. But. Sigh. Oh well. We can't have everything.


Truth to be told, the happiness radiating from other majors when we were announced as the 3rd place was a form of flattery for me. They think so highly of us they're intimidated and feel so, undeniably happy for our place in 3rd. Hehehehe. Silly me.

Winning isn't special if the modesty's blown out of the window. And losing is noble if it's accompanied with sincerity. The journey counts, and both of them aren't important for those who are champions by nature.


Comm's performance was the best in my eyes, in my heart and in my mind. Out of everything I saw in Wednesday 14th, Comm's performance was what I remember the best. And I'm sure it's not because of my bias-ness. If others were THAT GOOD, of course one will remember despite their preference, right?

Right.



Oh, and just a little trivia! When one of the performers sang Forget You, Commusic was on my mind. When SJ's Mr. Simple and SNSD's The Boys was on tape, my thought flew over Komboys. And when one of dance group performed, I can't help to compare them with Komdance. And here's my conclusion:


Comm has the best performers, definitely.

Hahaha.



Comments and critics are highly appreciated!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Her Point of View

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Photobucket..for now. END for now.



__


Feel free to interpret it however you want, because I only do this to ease myself. Not a very wise move, but who cares? Probably something I’ll erase some time later.

I feel unheard and sad and unheard. Did I just mention unheard? And sad?

I just don’t know how to share it in any other way.

__



I'm sorry that you didn't enjoy it. I'm sorry that you can't see what's there behind all the hard work and sacrifices we made. Tears are here and there because we DON'T reap what we sow. Just because of... of.. of.. what is it again?

We don't even know what it is.

I don't even know who's this 'we' I'm referring to.

But well.

Thank you. For everything. (not being sarcastic)

All of these are part of growing up after all. Every cloud has silver linings and I can't wait for what's there for us to see.



But for now, I'm sad. /sniffs


Thank you.




p.s. Do I have to mention some part of The Universal Declaration of Human Rights or something to assure that it is okay for me to post this?
p.p.s. Just asking.