To Trust or Not to Trust

S'not the one I want to tell you the other day before, but this will do. This is crappy and kinda corny so be prepared for it.

I just read a post from my friend's (Dillute's) blog about trust, and I realize something. When I feel alone, I know what I lack of. And that, is trust. I already knew that by now. What I realize is that, in fact, I do trust. Huh.. that doesn't come up right (well, trust IS a transitive verb) but well; not mentioning who and what and how, I know I do. I give almost everyone I come across a chance to be trusted and vice versa, but if they turned me down once in a while, that doesn't mean I'll give up trusting them. I still do. It hurts me a little--maybe--but that's what you'll get when you trust people. You'll be disappointed sometimes, because nobody's perfect and whatever reason they want to keep your faith, sometimes they just can't. I understand and I accept that. Even when it makes my heart clenched a little. Like now.

When you trust things, they won't disappoint you like people do. Maybe you kinda feel betrayed when you really need a call and your cellphone won't give you a chance or when you need your midnight snack but they just have to be out of stock right then, but that's that and they don't hurt. They're just irritating. Sometimes frustrating. But never hurt--or at least in my case.

As I was saying, I know trusting people is not always pleasant. But still doing it, knowing it'll hurt you sometimes is not stupid. It's also what I called trust. You trust you to trust people. Or in this case, I trust me to trust people. I trust me not to break down and I trust me to don't mind it when I do. I trust me in so many things, and one of them is this. Because.. you know. Not trusting is kinda scary. It makes you insecure, afraid, suspicious and plain uncomfortable. Right?

But still, because I am not perfect, I have to trust something--someone; force; an existence--that will never, ever, ever betray me. That will never, ever, ever break my trust and crush my heart into pieces.

But there actually is one existence that will never falter; that will always keep Its promises; that will always be close to you; knows you best; and It has anything and everything you need for an existence that you can trust wholly and eternally. (Well. At least that's what I believe.)

That existence is what I called God.

Which will always be a thing that some people without faith raised their eyebrows at; but it's not that it'll change the fact He's great and all, so it doesn't matter. Because I know we living creatures are great, more so when we're humans. But weaklings are those who don't know a glimpse of truth about being weak; I know I'm weak--and I need somewhere; someone; something I can trust and lean on, forever--so I probably somewhere in the middle. After all, recognition is half-way cure, right?

Anyway. Trust is a really, really big thing. That's why you should trust big things (or people) too. And one particular existence that is so great, It can't be touched by senses and can't be proved by sciences.

That way, trusting other things doesn't really matter anymore. And now every time when I feel alone, I think of this and it turns out that I'm not so lonely after all.

(a.k.a. why having a God is super convenient)

"Bagus ran, emang jangan percaya diri. Percaya tuh sama Tuhan."

- Yudistira Salwarahmadhan

"Kalo orang beriman sama Allah, dia nggak akan takut atau sedih."

- Mama

Katlyn: "Do you trust me?"

Eden: "Not at all."

Katlyn: "Then this will be scary."

- Otherworld

p.s. Thank's to Dillute for the inspiring post!

p.p.s. It's D-1 guys!

CLAIMED. (sort of)

HAI. Apa kabar? Kabar rani baik lho. Alhamdulilah deh. Nggak baik kan kalo mau ujian kabar rani jelek. Semoga sampe ujian selesai juga kabar rani baik. Semoga seterus-seterusnya juga kabar rani baik. Semoga yang baca juga kabarnya selalu baik.

Hari ini TO terakhir BTA lho. InsyaAllah. Heheh. Mm terus apa ya. rani banyak ngambil foto hari ini lho. Soalnya udah terakhir nih masuknya besok-besok mungkin nggak ketemu lagi jadi rani harus punya fotonya kalo-kalo ada yang pas udah gede jadi terkenal.

Karen - Rani.

V stands for Victory. W stands for Winners.

Ajeng - Zara - Juli - Rani - Karen

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Rani - Kak Dora - Karen

Uploaded with ImageShack.us

Kak Alia - Rani

Ada sequence foto yang bagus lho, rani sama Karen ceritanya jadi remaja frustrasi belajar. Tapi nggak rani masukin karena bakal capek. Padahal mau foto juga sama anak 8 yang BTA 8 tapi udah pada cabs sih jadi kesempatannya terlewat. Mungkin kapan-kapan. Terus mau cerita menarik deh. Tapi, karena ini belum bagian belakang dan masih bagian tengah-tengah (atau mungkin masih awal-awal), masih belum menarik ceritanya (nggak konsisten) Mm mungkin udah agak menarik sedikit tapi rasa-rasanya bakal lebih menarik kalo udah ada konklusinya deh hehehe. Kalo udah ada konklusinya, insyaAllah pelajarannya lebih banyak deh. Nanti ya, kalo rani udah menang.

Doakan kemenangan rani!

Dan semoga menang juga!

"If I'm not dead, I win."

—Vince McMahon, ESPN E:60, "Lord of the Ring"

rani facts

No one cares, but I just feel like writing random things I know about myself or somesort. Besides, it'll help when people finally recognize my awesomeness and decide to make my biography.

_

I don't like lizard. Because 1) I had found one freezing in my freezer. It killed my appetite. 2) They move so fast and kinda jerky; they make me want to kill them.

I can't sing. Really. Can't dance too. But that doesn't stop me from doing it.

I don't have any particular favorite of anything. Or at least not that I'm aware of. Oh, except in case of shipping. I'm a loyal shipper you see.

In our dining room, there are 5 chairs. For my father, mother, my sister and me. The last one is for Mitton, who joins us whenever he wants to.

My sister is very funny when she's irritated.

I like storytelling a lot. Sometimes I feel like reading a book or article so I could retell them to someone else.

I'm kinda awkward. But I like attention. Well, mostly.

I have a plush that looked like a Grandpa.

I'm confused why people here use word 'Dog' as an insult and not 'Hamster', when the former known for its loyalty and the latter ate their babies.

I don't know many people in my life; sometimes not even those whom I consider as friends or family. But meeting them and learning a glimpse of what they might be are super fun nonetheless.

I like referring myself (and most of people) with a name in conversation because that way, people will remember my name easier and the same goes for me. That, and I like names. It just happens that my name is my favorite.

It's not easy for me to sleep, even when I'm dead tired.

I really like it when my father and I share the same opinion, because I know he won't be sad over things I'm not sad at, won't be disappointed over things I'm not disappointed at and that makes me really happy. Because, you know, as much as I own this life of mine, I don't want to make my parents (or one of them) sad and disappointed because of it.

I rarely cried when I'm sad, I mostly cried out of frustration. And dramas and films and sappy stories. Things are sadder on screen and paper, I think.

Two of my favorite quote are my father's "These things don't matter; I know because I'm the living proof." and my mother's "I'm so proud of you."

I believe in miracles because I know I experienced a few. Actually, I might have experienced it all the time.

I still don't get why people pray in twitter. Does God have a twitter? (No offense intended, just curious)

It's easy to make mistakes and I'd never really mind that. But as I get older, things aren't so simple anymore and sometimes my mistakes annoy people and it's hard not to care when other people involved. Being yourself is one thing, but being selfish is way different.

When one of my friends came back from NSO 2009, he brought a bag with a print of NSO in front of it and used them to school. I told one of my friend, "Aww, that bag looks really cool. I wish I had one." and I joked "But you'll see me wearing them next year." And I did. I even got a medal along with it. Really funny, right? I didn't even mean it when I said that.

I made a note of quotes (and made up quotes that sounds funny) that amuse me. They're over 100 now.

I was three when my father dropped me from a piggyback and I got a severe bump in the head. A very severe bump; because road isn't exactly a place you want to hit your head to. I think that's one of the reason I haven't got my noble prize now.

Mau bunuh diri nih

Halo temen-temeeeen! rani lulus loh ngomong-ngomong.

Hari ini pengumuman SNMPTN undangan lho!

SELAMAT BUAT TEMEN-TEMEN RANI YANG DAPET UNDANGAN DEH ASYIK YA LIBURNYA BANYAK. BANGGA BANGET PUNYA TEMEN PINTER-PINTER NIH HIHIHIHIHIHIHI (gasante)

Heheheheh

Dan rani nggak keterima lho! (heboh) Tapi rani lega dan seneng dikit juga deh. Sekarang, rani bisa nyemangatin orang yang nggak dapet undangan tanpa bikin orang itu tambah sedih atau kesel sama rani.

Serius lho.

Kadang-kadang merasa munafik juga, pas rani dapet perunggu dan nyemangatin temen-temen rani yang nggak dapet medali; atau pas rani dapet nilai bagus dan nyemangatin temen-temen yang dapet kurang bagus; atau pas rani berhasil dan nyemangatin temen-temen rani yang gagal. Kan rani nggak ngerasain. Tapi sekarang rani udah. Jadi semoga seruan semangat rani lebih terdengar keras hehehehe! Eh! Tapi rani seneng loh pas disemangatin sama temen-temen tadi! Pas rani ditanyain terus didoain supaya berhasil, wah seneng deh, padahal rani pikir rasanya bakal... bitter gitu haha tapi ternyata nggak kok. Malah rani ngerasa ini lucu banget lho! Soalnya, rani.. beneran nggak masuk. Dan, wah, bahkan bagi rani sendiri ini menarik. Hahahahaha :D Dan ini bukan majas ironi! Denotasi nih. Apalagi banyaaak banget temen-temen rani yang bilang "AH elu ran pasti dapet deh!" dan rani bisa membuktikan kalo rani juga bisa kok nggak berhasil..... hmm entah ini bagus apa jelek, tapi rani seneng kok bisa membuktikannya hahaha.

Ih berasa berhasil mulu ya nulis gituan. Nggak kok rani sekarang juga nggak sedih gara-gara udah biasa gagal tapi banyak orang nggak tau giliran rani tumben-tumbenan berhasil kayak dikasih spotlight jadi nggak ketauan gitu deh banyak gagalnya.

Mm terus apa ya.

Oh ya.

rani nggak akan bilang 'Jangan sedih', karena ya emang sedih dan emang nggak enak, tapi jangan lama-lama sedihnya! Nanti wajahnya jadi jelek lho. Susah dapet pacar lho. rani sih maunya wajahnya awet muda jadi rani nggak sedih deh (?) Ibarat main capsa, keluarin aja kartu-kartu yang jelek dulu biar nanti pas akhir-akhir nggak ada pilihan lain selain ngeluarin kartu yang bagus! Abis ini rani ngeluarin kartu bagus deh (sok) kalian juga pasti bakal ngeluarin kartu bagus.

Tapi sebenernya sih kalo rani asumsinya semua kartu bagus hahaha kan semuanya dari Tuhan. Tapi mungkin orang udah bosen kalo rani bilang gitu. Yaah sama aja deh, semua orang punya cara menyemangati diri. Katanya siapa gitu ya (rani lupa) dia bilang:

"Everything's gonna be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not the end."

Udah semangat belom? Belom? Gimana kalo... "Bad is never good until worst happens"?

Terus makasih banget ya buat yang nyemangatin! rani seneng banget disemangatin orang! Baik banget deh btw curcol dikit rani disms yang baik-baik terus didoain terus ditelpon sama temen-temen rani hiii baik banget ya rani jadi terharu lumayan semoga mereka bahagia dan punya banyak uang dan anak.

Ohya, btw hari ini rani foto-foto loh sama Teman Sebangku BTA Abadi (mayan) rani!!

Karen!

rani sama Karen kompak ya, padahal nggak janjian lho

Terimakasih juga Karen sudah mewarnai hari-hari BTA rani! Padahal kenalnya cuma bentaaar banget ya--satu semester kayaknya; seminggu sekali lagi ketemunya--tapi rasanya udah lama banget kenalnya! Udah heboh foto-fotonya padahal lusa ketemu (odong) hihi tapi nggak papa kan seru ntar foto lagi deh.

Kayaknya udah deh itu aja. Oh ya emang nggak nyambung judulnya biar pada mau baca aja hahaha. Ngarep tulisan rani depresi ya hihihihihihiii nggak lah rani kan keren, Pollyanna aja kalah.

Kumar: "Where will you go now?"

NPH: "...wherever God takes me."

- Harold and Kumar

Done and over with

Sometimes, I wonder why I haven't died yet. Not that I want to--okay maybe a little--but.. it's a pretty dangerous world out there, and... here I am, safe and sound. I'm living a nice life here, and the thought that it can stop anytime amuse me in some way. It makes me feel like I have all the time in the world.

It makes me happy and optimistic. Everything seems so small and simple. I feel small too.

Yeah. It's good to be alive.

There are so very many dramatic ways that vast, incomprehensible galactic phenomena can kill you, that every single day that you go unmurdered by space is a miracle.

Cherish it.

- 7 Horrible Ways The Universe Can Destroy Us Without Warning

p.s. Do you know that the possibility of dying from falling over in the shower is greater than the possibility of dying from a scorpion sting? Next time you take a bath, remember this.

not-so-holiday rant

Hai! Masih berusaha menghidupkan blog nih, sebenernya bingung mau tulis apa. Abis rani belum ada liburan apa-apa sih kayaknya. Oh ya, sebelumnya rani nginep di rumah temen rani lhooo rani belum pernah nginep di rumah temen sebelum itu. Keren ya. Terus unyu gitu deh nggak nyangka aja ternyata yang diobrolin yang romantis-romantis gitu (bingung nyebut apa) iya sebenernya rani cuma denger doang abis rani nggak ada pengalaman romantis adanya yang agak horor gitu deh hahahaha eh nggak deng sebenernya ada satu. Mungkin rani ceritain kapan-kapan. Apa udah ya? Lupa deh. Oh yaa!! Itu hari yang sama dengan futsal angkatan dan jalan-jalan IPS loh! Super hectic banget, itu hari selasa terus hari senin semua orang sms "Besok ada (masukkan kegiatan) LHO!!!" terus bingung banget akhirnya rani nggak bisa nonton futsal angkatan, ikut laser tag IPS doang terus langsung cabs buat main bareng sama temen-temen smp rani! Seru loh! Kan karaokean bentar, terus rani mecahin gelas. Terus nginep di rumah orang.

Terus apa ya. Mei dari tanggal 2 rani intensif BTA, jadi nggak nganggur di rumah. Semoga rani nggak terlalu lama perlu intensif amin, terus rani tiba-tiba kangen banget sama semua orang entah kenapa deh. Akhir-akhir ini sebelum tidur, biasanya kan rani baca cerita atau buku atau fanfic ya terus mikirin itu sampe ketiduran, tapi nggak! Akhir-akhir ini entah kenapa yang keinget jadi orang-orang terus, dari temen SMP temen kelas X temen IPS temen LKS temen subsi temen OSN temen ALSA sepupu rani temen BTA sampe rani bingung karena nggak bisa tidur-tidur gara-gara kepikiran banyak padahal nggak tau juga yang dipikirin apa (galau) cie nggak cie dong

Terus... belum lama ini rani nonton opera sabun loh! Opera sabun lama, tapi ternyata dia umurnya panjang banget, lebih dari 50 tahun! Nggak ngerti itu ceritanya apa aja dan rani cuma nonton di bagian-bagian tertentu doang yang ada pasangan favorit rani yang ternyata muncul di sekitar... 400 bagian gitu dan rani baru nyampe 270an gitu deh. Masih lama banget ya..... oh ya terus seneng deh kalo buka-buka cracked.com terus nemu artikel yang bagus, waah berasa menambah pengetahuan agak terhibur juga abis lucu (mayan) tapi bagus kok cukup direkomendasikan, seenggaknya tab udah nggak meledak gara-gara buka tvtropes.org terus (udah sembuh) terus tau nggak kalo sebenernya suami sama anak sama menantu nya Marie Curie itu dapet nobel juga? Tapi mereka nggak seterkenal istri, ibu dan ibu mertua mereka, kasian................. dikit. (Udah bagus juga dapet nobel)

Oh ya ada deh yang romantis nih yang mau ceritain, (udah rani ceritain belum ya hem yaudah deh cerita aja) dulu pas kelas 5 SD rani kan pindah ya dari Semarang ke Jakarta, pas rani kasih tau (H-berapa hari gitu) ternyata temen-temen rani kayak sedih gitu (kayaknya sih) terus minta foto rani buat kenang-kenangan. Yaudah di H-1an gitu rani diem-diem ke sekolah pas mereka lagi olahraga (masih inget jadwal) buat ngasih foto rani diem-diem (biar keren pas mereka dateng tiba2 di meja udah ada foto rani kayak santa ngasih kado) tapi ternyata timing rani kurang tepat dan adanya rani malah ketemu semua orang. Akhirnya nggak jadi diem-diem pergi deh (drama gagal) sampe-sampe rani malah pidato perpisahan dulu seinget rani (unyu super pokoknya) dan ternyata, temen-temen rani hari itu pada bawa kado buat kenang-kenangan ke rani. BAIK BANGET, untung rani nggak jadi diem-diem. BANYAAK BANGET deh yang ngasih hadiah. Banyak boneka sama foto dan frame dan ucapannya baik-baik. Malah hadiah rani lebih banyak dari pada hadiah perpisahan kantor papa rani kayaknya. Sweet banget kan. Tapi bukan ini romantisnya. Sebenernya ini romantis sih tapi yang abis ini lebih romantis dikit deh. Oke terus rani pulang nih. Sebundel2 sampe tas rani nggak muat. Sampe rumah rani buka-bukain kan kadonya. Terus terharu. Sampe dari tas rani nemu benda asing.

Ada bola tenis.

Bola tenis yang rani nggak inget rani dapet dari temen rani yang ngasih hadiah kenang-kenangan.

Terus ternyata disitu ada tulisan dari pulpen, yang rani susaaah banget bacanya ya. Bingung juga kenapa ngasih bola tenis yang serabutan buat ditulis, kenapa nggak bola besbol gitu ya tapi nggak papa bola besbol kan mahal-- ya terus setelah rani berusaha baca, tau nggak itu apa?

Made in China.

boong deng. (nggak lucu) Ada pernyataan cinta disitu.

boong deng.

Nggak deh, beneran kok. Lupa persisnya apa pokoknya mirip-mirip. Semacam 'I love you' atau apa gitu. Selesai deh ceritanya. Romantis nggak? Nggak ya? Jangan marah dong (siapa yang marah)

Gitu deh. Nggak nyangka sebenernya. Di Narnia pun nggak ada orang pulang bawa bola tenis bertuliskan pernyataan cinta. Terus yaudah. Tipikal anak kelas 5 SD, yah nggak dipikirin. Bahkan rani inget nama yang ngasih pun samar-samar, nggak yakin bener apa nggak. Inget wajahnya pun nggak. Bola itu pun udah hilang entah kemana. Tapi ternyata, tanpa bola itu, atau tanpa ingatan akan siapa orang yang ngasih, rani masih inget sama pernyataan-pernyataan bola tenis ini. Mungkin sampe gede juga nggak lupa kayaknya. Mungkin. Rasanya mau terima kasih sama orang yang ngasih bola ini ke rani, soalnya dari sekian cerita romantis yang rani punya (yang bisa dibilang nyaris nggak ada) dia ngasih rani bahan menarik buat dijadiin cerita romantis. Kayaknya sekarang dia udah punya pacar dan udah lupa sama rani, semoga bahagia dan bisa punya banyak anak yang lucu-lucu.

Hmm kayaknya itu aja deh. Mungkin bagi kalian yang mau bikin pernyataan cinta bisa belajar dari cerita rani, kalo mau nulis pernyataan cinta cari tempet yang agak mudah dibaca kalo ditulisin. Oh ya, dan kalo mau menyatakan cinta, nyatakanlah sama orang yang udah dewasa ya. Yang udah ngerti cinta-cintaan. Kalo menyatakan cinta sama anak kecil kayak gitu tuh jadinya. Yang menarik terlihat payah. Yang romantis terdengar gombal. Yang sepenuh hati terasa nggak tulus.

Oke? Belajarlah dari pengalaman rani! Kalo tidak nanti menyesal! Kalo karaokean jangan terlalu semangat, bisa memecahkan gelas es teh!

Selamat berlibur! (yang liburan)