Galau mayan

When I'm in 10th grade, I feel happy just being alive. I still do, I guess. But when I'm in 10th grade, I don't need to feel uneasy first to think of what kind of things that I have to be grateful for to ease myself. It crossed my mind constantly, how the sun's shining today; how nice my friends' smiles this morning; how I'm not sick on this lovely day; or how pretty my mom is; or how pleasant this day had become, or how nice it would be if I could get another round of a day to feel those things again. Sometimes it gets particular like how I'm lucky to have a friend like him or her, or how inspiring my teachers are, and so on.

There are skips in my steps. I jumped and waved and have these hand gestures which people remember me of. Smiles are easy. They still are, but. Well. Y'know. I share a lot of stories. I sing with my horrible voice and I dance a lot, even tho I have no clue whatsoever about dancing. I laugh at everything because, everything is funny when you have my sense of humor. Everything and everyone are nice and wonderful and funny and lovely.

I know it sounded cheesy and too rainbowish and sparklish and comical, but that's what I feel when I'm.. err uh. In high school. Wait. Even when I have graduated, I still do. When I got to college, I still do.

But not right now. Or a few weeks ago, when I was so bad my friend asked me if there's anything wrong and I don't even know what's wrong because I don't realize I was so.. quiet and easily upset. I don't know when that started, or whether it came out of the blue or periodically or if it happened all the time since it started (I'm that confused)

I thought it was because of PMS, and it was, but it happened again. I'm sure, for anything cute and fluffy, that it's not just because of hormons.

Have I... changed?

/wails

Not that it's a change... I thought of it as maybe.. a phase?

Or is it puberty that people were talking about? I doubt it. It's too late. I thought I got through puberty. Sort of.

It's just. I just want my bubbly (?) self back. How did I overcome things easily before, and why is it not as easy as before now? What change? Is it temporary or is it something that I have become? Because it's scary now that I realize I don't laugh as much as I did before. I want to dance again. I want to be silly and laugh at my silliness and whatever happened because it was funny and it should be still funny now. I think I'm sick.

END OF STORY!

By the way, I remembered one of a part of my favorite dream again! In fact, surprisingly, it's not me who remembers, it's my friend! I'm touched that she still remembers after I told her; I don't even remember it myself until she mentioned it. So here goes!

I was in a house. A wooden house, and I met the cutest thing ever. It's a pair of dolphins, sitting/sleeping in the wet part of a wooden floor. One was green, the other was pink! COOL RIGHT. Not just that. Because they were too cute to watch, I can't help to touch them (even tho I'm a bit afraid they'll run away if I did). And it turns out that they're FURRY and SOFT and FLUFFY. Did I mentioned cute? They're cute and furry and soft and fluffy and nice. I forgot the rest of the dream but that part was heavenly. I remember something about dogs sitting on their spot, but I'm not sure.

Tomorrow's a new day. I'll outshine the sun tomorrow. Bye!