My Idea of Birthdays

I don't want to grow up. I really don't. But tears won't stop the time. The clock will still ticking. And I'll still grow older and older. I love my life so much it hurts when I know I'm still breathing. I'm still in this world. This Earth. I love my life so much I don't want to ruin it by getting older. I love my life so much that I want to come and see The Almighty as soon as I have to go. As soon as finished all my task. As soon as.. I have to. It hurts to like this world, this earth, laughing with it, smiles, when you know it won't lasts forever. It will forever changing. And I don't want to fall even deeper until I forgot where the place I truly belonged. The place before I was born. The Place before I was dirty. The Place after this world falls.

I don't want to grow up. I really don't. It hurts so much when they say "Happy Birthday" because they love me and got me into tears. I don't know. Maybe because I unconciously remember they won't gonna be there when we have to part. I'm not sad. I'm not sad. I already thought of this thousand times before, and I'm not sad at all. That's just the way it is. Even though I'm not sad I still cried. Denial? No. I'm sure not.

I miss it. I really miss it. I'm waiting. And I'm still waiting. I hope when I'm ripe enough to pick, I really do, I really did, I am ripe. From the deepest of my soul, and enough to enter what they called heaven. I want to be ripe enough to pick. Not old enough to die. And I still don't want to grow up.