Another New I-hope-not-lame-year!

Long time no post! It's not that I got nothing to share lately, it is me in serious mess and taking another level (I hope) up in everything (ahay as if).

Not serious mess, really, but I think it is messy (my head and my heart and MY FEELINGS) that I'm going through tinybity amount of stuffs but it's just the thoughts that are overwhelming. TEEHEE. Anyway!

It is a new year! A new... well year. And have I made people around me feel loved enough? Have I been nice and good enough? Did I smile enough? Did I spread laughter enough? More to come this year, I hope!

2012 was a great year. It was a year with me trying not to be involved in anything yet don't have a heart to say no and giving half-assed output, the time I'm involved in things I don't want to, feel nonexistent burden (burden I made myself because I'm so freaking weak), the year I feel like I'm the most irresponsible selfish creature who spend a lot of money, the year I cursed so much oh God I cursed a lot that year I don't even know how; so far the nastiest, the crapiest, the... lamest me in my history of living so far. But despite that, for better or worst, it has broaden my field of interest! It is the year of webcomics and superheroes and all that and year of me loving more people and learn more stuffs and everything. And everything nice and lovely.

Everything around me that year is lovely as ever it's just me that sucked. I sucked that year. I don't know if I deserved what I did because I sucked.

I hope that this year I'm going up the graph again. Striking upwards like an eagle. (It's okay past rani, I know. I understand.)

This year... I'm a person with more responsibilities and I hope I can cope. This year I'm a person with a goal I hope to achieve. And... okay that's all.

Who are You Trying to Please?

There's a statement I found on web some time ago, and it went: "I'm the kind of person that will try to make everyone else smile, but when I need to smile, there's no one for me" or something along those lines.

And on web too, I found another statement like this: "If I were grooming and making myself look cute, it is solely to make myself happy. I did that for me, not for anyone to judge." or something along those lines.

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong about those two statements (because nothing is wrong in opinions, duh) but these statements are interesting and I wanted to make something out of them. They seemed to have no relation whatsoever but for me, they do. Somehow. But hey, I'm not going to talk about the substance of those statements; I'll talk about what it have in common and what of it that makes it interesting.

So enough with the prologue thing, let's get on with this.


What I get from these two questions is that, somehow, people (or society, whatever) mattered.

They do--no doubt--and it is our choice whether to be dependent over their existence and judgement or not.  Wait. No. They will always matter, and we will always be dependent over them in a way but it is our choice to care or not to care.

Now people mostly torn in these two category. People who care and people who don't care.

Because we are living with others, most of us obviously wanted to achieve harmony among us, right? That's why they mattered. And when they mattered, somehow we want them to like us, or to think nicely of us, or whatever. Or the least, we will do things that we think won't bother others to the point they will hate us because of it. Sometimes these feelings are there naturally, because, well, because you're just that kind of person. But sometimes they are there because everyone's like that, or those are values you learned through schools and society; and you choose to keep it that way.

Those are people who care. When people care, that kind of thing matters.

When people don't care, that kind of thing is stupid.

"What's the point of living for others?" they said. "You live a life for people to judge?" they said.

When people don't care, they see themselves as individuals with individual needs MORE than they see themselves as part of society. "Yes we live with others, yes they sort of matter in a way or two, but who cares if they don't like the way I do this or that?" they said. And they're not wrong. Certainly not wrong.

I mean, who cares right?

It turns out that a lot of people do.

And this is my point.

Sometimes, being recognized by others, being liked by others, doing things that makes other people happy is exactly what (some) people need. In short, accepted by society, treated nicely by others and whatnots are people-who-care's the so-called individual needs. In the other hand, doing things they want to and the way they want to, looking silly and doing whatever whenever wherever or something like that are people-who-don't-care's individual needs.

So when people who don't care think that it's more important for them to do things they like, that much importance is also applied for people who care, but for different matter. And that is, others' opinion, or something.




So if you ask me which one is better, none of it is better. None of it is stupid, because what's important is different for everyone and who am I to judge others' priority?

Everyone has their own way to be happy, to be content, to feel comfortable and why are we so nosy about how people are selfish or  how people live like robots for their family?



So when it comes to the question, who are you trying to please?

The answer should be you.




Whether you are pleasing yourself by doing things your way...

...or pleasing yourself by pleasing others...

...it doesn't matter.


What matter is that you're happy with that. If you're not happy, then you should think again if you're doing the right one.

Or doing it for the right matter.

Because, surely, one cannot be happy just with caring every single demand that came from everyone and one cannot be happy just with doing things the so-called way that they wanted to every time.

So yeah.

Be happy!

Why so rude?

People have both bad side and good side, we all know that. But to say a person is good or a person is bad.. I think it's not determined by what they have inside their heart. So I think it's not quite right if someone said "You're such a nice person!" Because they aren't; what's nice is their action, not the person literally. So I conclude that, people are bad or good--rude or nice--based on their action. Whether it's sincere or not.

Kinda confusing right? Let me get you some example.

"I hate you because you're annoying but I smiled and greeted you like everybody else because I'm nice." is still what I called a good person.

I don't agree with people who says that these kinds of quality are hypocritical, because it's not. It shows that they don't let their personal opinion affect on how they treat other people. It shows that they're fully aware about their feelings and thoughts and they can control it so people don't need to be bothered by it. It turns to be hypocritical when this person said: "No, I'm being nice because I like you." when they don't. And to be honest, I think most people (or most people I have come across.. or some sort) are nice because they think that it's just natural to do so. That it's an obligation, bound by morals and norms; or maybe because that it's what their parents or bosses told them to.

At the same time, there are people who don't hold grudge or anger toward other people but still annoy them to death and there are people who love a person really bad, but treat them like a trash. Despite their feelings, they are what I called a bad people.

See? Being good or bad is not a matter of heart. That's why you also can't expect nice people to be pure and innocent, and you can't judge a rude people as despicable and immoral. This is a false assumption. Nice people can be rotten inside as much as a rude person can have gold for a heart.

And it leads to this: being a good or bad person is entirely your choice. You can't control what you're feeling or what you're thinking, but an action is something that mostly done with full conciousness, so you CAN be good. You can be nice. In fact, being nice is easy! What's hard is knowing what leads you to act nice; because anybody can be nice when they want to, but not all of them for a good reason. Of course, it applies too if you chose to be bad.

Still.

We can be nice! Why don't we?

Devil Orange: You should tell Cucumber his mother's a pickle!

Orange: (laughs) Good idea, Devil Orange!

Angel Orange: Oh, no, Orange, you can't tell him that!

Orange: I can't?

Angel Orange: No! You should ask Cucumber..."Why the long face?"

— The Annoying Orange, Cruel as a Cucumber

Takdir

Halo! Bosen ya rani ngepost tiap hari? Heheh nggak papa, rani bakal cepet kok! rani sekarang mau coba pola tidur yang bagus, yang cepat tidur cepat bangun, karena rani tidurnya kayak orbit Pluto nih akhir-akhir ini. Padahal sebelumnya rani kalo tidur cepet biasanya bangunnya lebih lama (alam bawah sadar yang ngelunjak), tapi perubahan harus dimulai, ya nggak? Kebiasaan kan sesuatu yang bisa diciptakan. Curhat dikit. Nah terus apa ya. Oh ya hari ini rani ngobrol sama temen rani, Siti. Soal pernikahan beda agama terus jadi nyambung ke soal gaya hidup sama degradasi moral di jaman sekarang, terus nyambung lagi ke korelasi kebenaran ajaran agama sama gaya hidup dan degradasi moral tadi. Kalo ditulis kayak keren ya tapi sebenernya ngomongin biasa aja. Terus-terus, malam ini rani dapet sms gini dari Kak Nana.

"Sesungguhnya datangnya Islam dianggap asing (aneh) dan akan datang kembali asing. Namun berbahagialah orang-orang asing itu. Sahabat bertanya, "Ya Rasulullah, apa yang dimaksud orang asing (aneh) itu?" Rasulullah menjawab, "Orang-orang yang melakukan kebaikan-kebaikan di saat orang-orang melakukan pengrusakan." (HR Muslim)

Kemudian ada sms lagi. Kali ini dari Diana.

"Sesungguhnya Al-Qur'an ini memberi petunjuk kepada (jalan) yang lebih lurus dan memberi kabar gembira kepada orang-orang mukmin yang mengerjakan amal saleh bahwa bagi mereka ada pahala yang lebih besar." (Al Isra' : 9)

Kebetulan? I don't think so.

There is no such thing as coincidences in this world. There is only the inevitable. - Ichihara Yuuko, xxxHolic

Loved

"They can see us and hear us but still no one wants us." said Tilly.

The teddies were too sad to keep looking. They found somewhere to rest and curled up together. "I have you" said Gruffy. "And you have me."

"Then we really do have someone to love us." said Tilly. "We have each other."

- Two Tough Teddies, Kilmeny Niland

Two tough teddies tried to be loud and bold because they want somebody to love them. Two tough teddies learned that they don't need to be loud and bold to be loved. Two tough teddies found out that they don't need to find somebody to love them. They already did.

Maybe you already did as well.

tolongin dong

rani pulang-pulang kayak kucing kecebur parit. basah. nggak sebasah kucing kecebur parit sih tapi basah. dan kotor. waw. mm darimana ya mulainya. kerudung rani kotor, lengan baju rani juga, tas rani basah, rok rani kecipratan mobil lewat, sepatu rani basah kuyup karena kubangan air. oh. kaos kakinya juga. basah. terus pulang-pulang rani ngetok-ngetok berulang-ulang nggak ada yang nyaut, nyelip2in nyari kunci nggak ketemu, ternyata yang di dalem rumah lagi asik ngenet rani basah kuyup dan kotor diluar. dihibur suara hujan. bagian dihiburnya boong tapi.

terus tadi rani nonton film dokumenter tentang pembantaian lumba-lumba di jepang. padahal lumba-lumba baik dan lucu dan pintar. tapi mereka dijahati dan dibunuh. kalo yang bikin film dokumenter itu bukan manusia, rani udah malu jadi manusia nonton itu. jahat banget deh. jadi mereka disiksa dengan suara yang memekakkan indra mereka terus dijaring, di tangkap buat jadi lumba-lumba pertunjukan dan sisanya dibunuh sampai-sampai itu laguna nggak keliatan lagi kayak laut. kayak wine. bersimbah darah lumba-lumba. ditusukin terus diinjakinjak terus lumba-lumbanya berdarah-darah. dan tulisan rani tidak separah aslinya. aslinya lebih berdarah dan tidak manusiawi sedikitpun. ataupun lumba-lumbawi. semuanya bisa sampe 20.000 an lumba-lumba mati di di sana. dan itupun orang sana pada nggak tau. yang tau cuma nelayan jahat yang nurani nggak jalan dan orang-orang gila uang yang bikin kegiatan itu. jahat kan? duh nulis aja rani emosi.

ayo kita tolong lumba-lumbanya! caranya?

bisa liat langsung di http://takepart.com/thecove atau kirim sms "DOLPHIN" ke 44144.

mereka baik pintar dan lucu, tolong yuk.

karena bingung jadii..

uh. bingung mau tulis apa. ini sudah kesekian kalinya rani buka entri baru tapi berakhir dengan kosong dan menklik tanda silang di tab.

apa ya hem. kan rani cari-cari fic kan ya terus rani pas liat rekomendasi dari infantrum ada fic yang agak.. hem.. tempting ya. sayangnya belum tamat. dan dari tahun lalu belum diupdate. parah? tidak juga. rani sekarang juga bisa dibilang sedang menanti fic yang rani baca pas rani kelas 9. sekarang rani kelas 11. pas rani kelas 9 itu fic juga sudah setahun belum di update. jadi.. berapa tahun? 3? waw. tapi kalo nggak setahun yang lalu atau berapa banyak bulan lalu, rani pernah ngereview dan dia bales rani lewat pm. berarti dia belum mati kan? btw fic itu fandom Slam Dunk dan pair nya SenRu dan bukan cuma fic itu aja loh. banyak yang lain, FMA sama ES21 ada, terus.. apalagi ya lupa. rani yakin ada pasti fic yang dari sekian tahun lalu belum diupdate-update. kalo orangnya udah mati sih.. ya innalillah berarti fic itu tidak akan dilanjutkan untuk selamanya oleh itu author tapi kalo masih hidup? writer's block itu menyusahkan sekali ya.

dan rani jadi berpikir tentang lurking. rani sadar selama ini kerjaan rani cuma nge-lurk. biar punya acc juga ngelurk. apapun itu. forum, komunitas, apalah yang tempet ngumpul orang di dunia maya. komunitas.. menurut rani lebih nggak ribet karena.. entahlah. put aside deh. tapi forum? rani coba beberapa kali masuk forum tapi rani bingung rani mau ngapain. mengomentari? membuat thread baru? bukan rani pemalu atau apa tapi ranikan newbie =__= gitulah, newbie's syndrom. biar dibilang udah lama ngelurk juga namanya newbie ya newbie. hem. somewhat awkward terutama ketika orang-orang disana sepertinya sudah mengenal satu-sama lain. seperti numpang makan di rumah teman, dalam kondisi di meja makan ada kamu, teman kamu itu, dan keluarga teman kamu. AWKWARD KAAN. (nggak nyantai)

iya ngerti, itu bakal lewat sesuai masanya tapi entahlah, rani nggak punya button untuk itu sepertinya =___= pengen juga kayak Askii, yang aktif di forum dan bikin gathering kapan-kapan sama teman se-forum. hahahaaa tapi seperti sekarang juga senang kok. hihihihiii

rani.. kangen sama hunting vid. tapi.. bingung hunting vid apa. oh dilemma. dan ini sudah malam. rani harus cepat tidur.

oh! besok rani mau jalan-jalan sama teman-teman rani insyaAllah, asyiiik!! XD udah lama nggak jalan-jalan.