Culture: Polemic

So what is the purpose of traditions?  What is the purpose of culture, other than an identity of belonging in a particular group?

Is it okay to say that some part of a culture aren’t ‘in’ anymore, that it is not good enough to keep, and discard it?

It confuses me.

  

Culture is formed through years and years and thought by people from who knows when. Maybe some of them aren’t making sense anymore, because mind develops; science proves things wrong and right, norms and values changes too.

So there is part of culture that is just... judged as inhuman, judged as inappropriate and against what is held universally. Does this mean they deserved to be discarded?

There are also things that are part of culture that don’t make any sense (like a lot of other things), but it holds sentimentality towards its member. Maybe they don’t give any harm like the previous culture, but you know. They don’t make sense. They are useless. Useless except that they give them some sort of comfort or whatever. Does this mean they can be considered as discard-able?

I don’t know.

Is it okay, to judge whether a particular culture is wrong or right? Nope. No. When you’re studying a culture, you have to keep in mind that there is something behind its actions. There is history of why the culture is there. Nothing is right or wrong. It is just the way it’s done is different and we have to respect that. Appreciate the diversity.

But then.

If we’re stripping cultures off to be better person, better people, better civilization, is it justified?

If we’re discarding rituals and traditions that give people contentment and keep them as a whole for the sake of health or science or national unity, is it justified?

Is it possible to keep every single part of a culture as communication and technology evolve beyond our imagination? And is it justified to strip them one by one just to be more ‘advanced’ than before?

For the sake of improving, from the notion of being better than people from the past, is it okay?

Or is it not? Why?

I am confused.

Does this confusion came from the invasion of norms and ideas where people don’t have and don’t appreciate cultures? Or is it true that cultures hamper people from being better than before?

I don’t know.

I don’t know anymore.

Ptichka

His name is Ptichka. He's a character from one of my favorite webcomic Icarus. Ah. Ptichka is adorable. (But the comic is gonna be angsty I just knew it.) I drew this while listening to this. This song is my Icarus headcannon.

Ah. Damn.

Life updates in 3, 2, 1...

Hello guys!

Looking back, I see I've grown from an optimistic wide-eyed idealist to a cynical immature young human to something else now but I don't know what. Probably a contemplative pushover whose innocence has lacking to be optimistic idealist yet too tired to be cynical. I settled to indulge and be happy for whatever right now. A very typical of me. I don't know if that's bad or good, though.

I really think it's not bad. But if I settled for that I don't know if I would ever achieve more things. I don't know.

And I'm scared of labels I don't deserve too. I'm flattered really, but these labels are frightening rather than pleasing. I'm not that nice. I'm not that diligent and I'm not that smart. I merely do stuff I can manage. If that helps anyone then I would be more happy. As much as it really is flattering and I thank them for thinking so highly of me, please be mindful to be disappointed from time to time; I'm not flawless.

And I like vibrant colors! Lately (or maybe not so lately) I'm so into reading new comics, more so if they are colored. I was having a conversation with a friend where I explained that I'm always referring different kinds of comic-that-has-a-term-for-themselves (or comic-with-its-representative-name) into just 'comic'. I don't think that's bad, I mean, they ARE comic in one way or another right? Only different origins, maybe. Or different sort of style. But they're still comic, right? As a browse through different styles of art, styles of drawing, styles of coloring, styles of storytelling and stuff like that, it really ignite the artist inside of me, yanno? Like I really want to try these colors out! Or these lights! or how do you draw things like this? Or how can they manage to compose it so nicely? Or who can someone come up with a way to deliver this super cliche plot into something this interesting? So on. But I don't really do anything about it tho, only contemplating and enjoying things in general (my motivation is that high).

One of these days I'm faced with a lot of stuff but I'm pretty slack than I used to it seems. I think in a way it degrades the quality of the job (and maybe my integrity? Wow serious stuff) but mentally speaking I'm more relaxed than before... I guess. I've always been panicky when it comes to things that isn't my business only and I love to do things fast, but now... Meh. I guess I gotta chill sometimes too. Gotta learn to lean on people. Gotta learn to not be positioned as one whom people can lean on all the time. In my opinion, one of the endearing qualities that makes you happy when you're working with others is the feeling like you can depend on them. For me, it makes me love them more than before.

But no. Not really. I'm still panicky, and I still wanted things to be done fast. Hehe. But other than that, the rest of the paragraph is pretty much true.

You know, things that makes me sad these days is that I don't seem to question anything anymore. Okay, maybe some things, but it either unimportant or things I shrug off immediately after thinking. Heh... I think I've gone through this before? But yeah. I think in a way I lost my ways of living, and that something is lacking.

And then, I got into a conversation where my love life is questioned (I don't get that a lot, mind you). You know what, me too, in a way, want to know what it's like to have someone in mind. But then again it would be a pain in the ass so in a way, I don't really want to. Thank my lucky stars that I haven't found it yet, because it's already hard for me to deal with stuff I have in hand now, I don't know what I'd do if I too have another person to think or feel about. I have to admit though, being available is sometimes a pain in the ass as well. But then again, one can't have everything.

These days also, I'm trying to fix my diet. I'm trying to eat fruits regularly now. I realize how I'm getting fat, and the amount of stuff I eat is just... horrid. I do get jokes (?) about how fat my cheeks are, but I've never think it's bad until I dreamt of a dream where everyone there make fun of my cheeks. Then I realized that my dream is trying to make me realize I'm insecure about it. Subconsciously. Yeah. So. Until now, I haven't lessen my food (the day papa got transferred to Jakarta permanently I eat three dishes for dinner, it was steak and spaghetti and calamari and boy half the bill is my food I guess, I feel horrible afterwards); I'm trying... tho.. but for the time being I'm trying to not just eat protein and carbohydrate but also... fruit. And veggies. I think I'm sort of okay with the fact maybe I'm getting fat, I just don't want to be sick. I eat lots of ice cream too! I can eat three ice cream a day if ice creams are available at all times. For the sake of health (and fat, a little bit) I am now walking down the path of... this.

This one is pretty long. Oh yeah. I'm really thinking of making comic strips. Or short stories with pictures. I don't know. These days I want to be creative and create stuff and also study abroad but I did none of those things. What is wrong with me and my will. And determination. What would I do if I have a baby. Or a private island. It would be stranded.

YOU, COMMIT ALREADY.

There's this one remorse that I keep having, and for once and for all I want myself to commit not to do anymore:

You just do it no more. Writing it here on the blog where you (sort of) record your track of thoughts making it official Ran and I hope you don't have anymore excuse to be tempted or to do it for whatever reasons. I believe that you're able to do it, it's just your determination sucks like an anteater. I'm sick of regretting things that you can prevent. Just. Don't. For your own good and health and mind and everything. 

I mean it!

This is an act of love. 
Love, rani.

In cases of love

The time when you fall in love is the time you’re being an idiot without knowing.

That, is what my father said (pretty sure he heard it from tv).

And I agree.

I mean, I don’t know if it’s true or not; logically, those kind of stuffs don’t have anything to do with intelligence. But I don’t know, I just believe so. I believe that love is that powerful that it blurs judgment. It distracts us people from seeing things that are (also) important as in the only thing matters is the said object of affection. It makes you feel complete for some unknown reason and it feels magical. Or something. Maybe. I think.

But yeah. The thing is, I believe that love makes you blind. It makes you stupid. People in love are poor judges of everything.

When you fall in love, you don’t think straight. You can’t. That’s why you should listen to others who still can.


Yes. Listen to others.


Not just random people, or everyone in general; but people who matters. People whom you know won't let you get hurt, people whom you know for years loving you (in a way you do too), people who are always be there for you before this object of affection comes into the picture.




Though I admit, these ideas of being in love is mostly from fictions (including tv).

...and real life example. Sort of. But mostly fictions.

And that is all.

Sincerely, Your Friend

I've heard about korean old saying this afternoon "..to have a lot of friends means that you actually have no friends at all." or so it said. (Not exactly like that.) But I beg to differ. Friends are friends, even though it's not genuine. As long as it satisfy one's social need then friends like that're okay... or so I think. Although it's kinda lonely and boring sometimes... I think. - Some time in 2010, taken from what should be a diary (but kinda failed because I stop writing when exams were approaching) 

It's kinda pathetic, but I see that I haven't changed.




(I want to end it after the first sentences but it'd seemed pretty depressing so I decided not to.)

The first paragraph is not meant to be part of anything, it just had to be there so I could capture the quoted sentences as a whole picture. And please don't mind the grammar and sorry my writing's ugly. And yeah.

I am happy to love and being around others. They don't have to be with me all the time, they don't have to love me back (although the feeling of being loved is wonderful) but they don't have to. It's not like I'm making an effort to be loved or being around them all the time; so I guess it's fair. Sometimes feelings don't reciprocate and it is time to accept that. Sometimes I feel lonely and bored and have no one to turned to; because I'm just... not sure if they would mind or if they felt the same.

I've been doing that (feeling like that, thinking about that) since I grasped the concept of the importance of others up until now. And I've never thought that it's bad at all. Maybe saddening, a little; because it sounds pretty lonely (and it is, sometimes). And I would be lying if I said that I don't envy those who proudly state they're best friends forever and all--because it might not (or might) be true but the feeling of having someone (or two) is bound to be there you; support you; and all those stuffs best friends do forever... is wonderful isn't it? It gives you strength and maybe courage and maybe comfort and everything. (Hence the 'Power of Friendship' is 'Truth in Television'.) But it's fine, what good will come from mourning over something I don't have?

Let me get this straight though, I am happy and I do have friends. They are wonderful people and I love them. I believe that each one of them has their own special place in my heart (it's hard to make it doesn't sound corny so I don't even try to make them sounds not-corny; but I'm being serious) and that is all. The attachment I have with them may vary; but I never mind if they have other friends they hold more dearly or anything like that. This is more than enough.

I am happy.

What more can I ask? :]

Celebrating a New Semester!

Hello again everyone! The first week of the new semester is over! And I am trapped in a committee yet again! (I know I'm being redundant but did mention 'The first week'?) But at least this one got my full consent... okay maybe 3/4 full. Okay. Full. Sort of. Unlike the other two.

But okay! I tried my best to keep up though, on the other two I mean. I feel guilty on not working whole-heartedly; I really am, but I'm not that selfless. In fact; I believe that I am one of the selfish-est fellow ever but I just don't have the guts to say 'no' to people. I constantly praying that when I said 'ENG... I don't know... I'm not that good' or 'I don't think I'm suited for the job', people GET that I don't want to get that job and I don't want to participate and stop being persistent because in the end I would accept and I'll try my best not doing a half-assed job but sometimes it's just! HARD! And I did so anyway. Yeah. I'm not that selfless so I'm very sorry if it looks like I don't feel like I own the event and whatever I did is not the picture of excellence. And please don't count: 'I would like to help' as a consent for putting people's name into a committee. Sigh. This is what I hate about high-context culture. I hate being high-context; and I thought I'm pretty frontal too!

The courses I'm taking this semester seems fun, at least for the week. There'll be a lot of upcoming papers and presentations and I hope those committee stuff won't hold me back from being tad-bit diligent on doing those assignments.

After my lovely cousins left to France, I'm thinking about applying for scholarship exchange programs for the upcoming semester; 5th or 6th preferably. And the former stuffs I've mentioned weighing me down the drain (sort of). Hopefully I'd stay on fire to pursue a semester abroad!

The new semester has begun, I wish this time I'm able to outshine the sun! (metaphorically speaking)

Another Mudik! (a.k.a Mudik Report)

I mudik again this year! But unlike before, you can't believe how bizarre this year mudik is. Okay, so first of all, two uncles from my mother side of family aren't with us to celebrate eid mubarak (just call it lebaran after this) this year; frankly, last year was their last Ramadhan. Second, one of my aunt from my father side of family (and her family too) is in the hospital in Jakarta at that moment. Third (and last); somehow, my mother and father's side of family BOTH have their own HOT TOPIC this year. Yanno, when you have a big family, like mine, when they're like 20 something people on one side of family and 40 something on the other (not counting parents' cousins and grandparents' siblings; that would be; ugh... probably the amount of people now times 3 or something; but we rarely talk about them. Ugh. UUGH. Okay maybe sometimes.), there're always something to talk about. And by something I meant gossip. Wait, since it's true, then it's not gossip. So there are always something to talk about, and we people love to talk and being nosy.

Not me. (Maybe a little)

But this year's topic is way hotter than a boiled water or whatever hot things I have in mind, especially the one in my mother's side of family part. Because it's including superstitious stuff and shaman and marriage and money and planning a murder. And it was so serious. So very serious. Serious Business, people. I can't believe I'm hearing those stuff they tell me because not just it sounds like come straight from sinetron, it also sounds like come straight from occult magazines (with a lot of perverse ad) I had stumbled upon when I was younger in one of my auntie's house. I can't believe I believe the stuff I'm hearing too. It was bizarre! Something you'd think you wouldn't hear in 2012. Like really! But I won't share any of it here HEHE.

And from my father's side of family... well.. it was nothing serious, really. Or maybe because the previous one had got all my attention.

So yeah, that's a little trivia of what I've been gossiping when I was in Palembang, teehee. So um, other than that, all of my cousins that are suppose to graduate from high school this year are getting into a good college. Congrats to that! Happy for them!

What I like about mudik and lebaran in my hometown is the fact that my aunties are great cooks. Really. In a day, I was like, eating more than 6 kinds of food. In every house I went to greet; I ate different food. None of them are ketupat. (Okay I lied I eat ketupat once and that's because the sauce smelled like heaven. One exception.) More than six! In one house (excluding pempek, and their homemade pempeks were heavenly too) I eat like 2 different stuff and I went to, like, more than 3 houses. Maybe five houses. Or seven; I forgot. And o angels in the mountain and sea, they taste great. I love mudik. (And I was so proud of that fact every time I heard people said they're fed up with ketupat and opor stuff.)

And! I found a lot of childhood photos! I look fat and cute but not too fat. And I don't look like a girl. Blame the hat. And my mother! She looks like a carbon copy of my sister in the photo! There's this photo where it looks like my sister who came from the future is holding me who came from the past. I don't know how old I was in there... but I know that it's the age where you have 5 teeth.

And then I realized that a lot of stuff have changed, and I'm old.

And yeah. I'm sorry for all mistakes that I've done; be it in person, on social media, or maybe stuff like grammatical mistakes or some fractal wrongness in everything. I made a lot of mistakes and sometimes I don't even care so please forgive me.

Have a pleasant holiday!

When in Doubt, Stop Thinking.

Hello Microsoft Word. Because of the internet connection that is not very friendly tonight, I decided to pour my heart out to you instead of my blog. You see Word, I’ve always been comfortable with being myself before, but now I’m scared that I might have not walked down in the right path for all this time. Or took the wrong path along the way and didn’t notice. Okay, so. I always think that I’m not the person who... is brave enough to take sides; if it’s not obvious enough from my blog posts. I believe that nothing is pure good and pure bad, hence I never think whether or not things that I’ve done is good or bad in sense; what I’ve always considered from my actions is only whether or not it harms others (or if it’s beneficial for me, but mostly if it harms others or not). If it doesn’t, then it’s okay, right?  Who cares. Does it mean myself any harm? That’s myself to decide and not that I really cared about that. Maybe sometime later, but that’s for me to learn.

And in addition, I’m a person with a religion, Word. Other than things that I do just because I want to and just because ‘it was done by others and why not do so too?’, I have things that I do because it’s an obligation for me as a religious person. And I did. Most of them, I guess. I think I’ve covered most of the important things I can manage but I don’t know. I’m still trying.

Yeah, so about that. Uhm. I have to admit that these past few months, or maybe a year or so, I’m not exactly fulfilling my philosophical needs. I’ve been distracted by a lot of mundane problems and stuffs and I love to be distracted by most of those stuffs. Maybe some of them are more psychologically and physically satisfying and yeah. Yeah. So. In short, life goes on and I continue on being ignorant. Being myself; the self I believe in.

After a lot of conversations with my friends I’ve met recently, I’m starting to wonder if I’m doing okay, continuing like this. By not taking sides, I mean. By thinking that nothing is pure bad and nothing is pure good so by all means I have no right to judge or specifically stating myself to agree on or disagree on things that is not obvious. (Because really; just like I said, what I considered from actions of others and mine is if it harms others or not. Ethics; on the other hand, varies all over the place and changes as time goes and why should I worried about what depends on culture and civilization and thinking-evolution?). It never bothered me before, but then I was reminded (from the said conversations) about the fact that not only I’m an individual with independent and subjective thoughts as part of society, I’m also a slave that ought to obey every single command given. By God; if it’s not obvious already; for I am a religious person.

Now, why is it a problem?

Because you see, in the Holy Book that I believe in, what are bad and good have already been defined. And as a person who believes, of course I have to—you know. Believe. (Duh) And by believing what are good and bad, that means I have to avoid or fight the bad and do the good, right? Right—that was explicitly stated; in fact. And ideally, we do. I do. And it’s not hard; because well, what are stated as bad and good are obvious enough; applicable to avoid or do; and mostly gives direct feedbacks. (And it also goes with what I believe in as good and bad in sense of harmful or beneficial and something like that)

But then again; when it comes to something that is abstract; means it’s regarding feelings or thoughts of people and not their actions; I find it... hard to.. ugh. Hard to think or believe it comprehensively that it’s wrong. ...Okay, that doesn’t come out right.

Stating it frankly: obviously, when I believe that my religion is true, automatically I believe that other religions are wrong, right? Yeah. Yeah, of course.  I know that even though MAYBE (then again not-so maybe) deep down it’s true and all; I couldn’t careless! I don’t really mind if people are Islam or Catholic or Jewish or atheist or whatever! I just, I, can’t bring myself to contradict those that aren’t said as true, I feel like I don’t have the right. I feel like... it's not my business? I feel like I don't have to pay any heed to what others think or believe. Yeah. Like that. Or one case that a friend always brought up is the homosexuality issue. Yeah, I know. I know that their actions are wrong; but is it really wrong for me to just shrug it off and think that it’s not my business and just, you know, not contradict their actions? And justified it by not thinking about these stuffs at all? And not just that! Maybe something else! Like I don’t know; only these two crossed my mind and heavily burdening me mentally and spiritually at the time but I believe there’s more than these.

 These stuffs are stuffs that are not directly/physically harming others (to the point it’s not harmless at all! Maybe. Ugh I don’t know) And I just; you know. I don’t think that it matters if they do or if they don’t I don’t care they are not harmful (up until now) and I think that it’s okay to think so because it’s not that I’m a non-muslim or doing anal-sex so it’s none of my business yanno, and, and, and... is it wrong?

Because now that I really think about it. REALLY THINK about it... it does seem to contradict the said ‘believe’ I have upon my God and Holy Book to not wholly... eng, wholly embrace the concept of what was stated and stuff; but. But.

Sigh. My friend said that there’s no ‘but’ if I know it’s wrong because everything after the ‘but’ will be nothing but justification.

But! (Just for the record) I have already thought about it, I think about it real hard, and I know I’m too soft to myself because I just love myself and my needs very much; I still don’t have a heart to do so. Maybe I’m still a person with a tiny heart and mind to bear the consequences of taking sides of what’s right and wrong. Even with God as a ‘backup’; and a verse as an ‘argument’.

So. Yeah. I’m comfortable with being, this, ugh. This, indecisive, I guess. Right now, I wonder if I suck because I took this comfort as a justification to... not think and all that. But I don’t know. If being scared of this stuff means I haven’t matured, then I’ll wait until I’ve matured enough to not do anything stupid while believing in which is wrong or right.

_

The only defense I have to prevent being uncomfortable over things is to ignore it. So ignorance is bliss and I do live that phrase; but it doesn’t mean that I’d reject any knowledge. I just don’t think I’m that big yet; to know and to be wise about it.

And I might be stubborn, but believe me. I listen. I don’t understand, but I’m trying. If I ever answer your philosophical question/statement without any further thoughts or real argument inside it; it’s not that I don’t want to think about it, really. And it’s not that I don’t want to accept that I’m wrong either. I just don’t know how to word it that exact moment, or maybe I don’t understand my train of thoughts (on why I agree or disagree to that) enough to explain it to you. I’m good at pleasantries, but I’m a terrible communicator (which is ironic; for a person who learns communication studies). So please be patient with me.





p.s. Speaking of being patient, I wanna thank the one and only person that had been entitled as my translator for I was a really, really terrible at explaining my things other than class-related subjects. Yeah. It's you, Ghassani Deastari. I'm a lot better now (way better; but not exactly good yet), but I realize (after having no translator for these past 4 years) that you're very awesome and I love you! And I miss you too. But I don't think you'd read this so.. yeah. You're still awesome and I still love you.

This Year Report

Hello all! I decided to make this blog a weebit more active. Hahaha. Nope. I lied. I decided I'm bored enough that I want to make a post for no reason; like I used to do often before!

Now, now, a year have past since I'm in college. Woo hoo! ...Not. Somehow, I'm not that happy for what I've become after a year here. In fact, I think I'm not making any progress... of what, I don't know. Of anything, except now I know a lot more things than before. Other than that, I think rather than having a progress, I'm slowly... declining? (What are you, a curve) regressing! Yeah. Regressing! That's the word.

Yeah.

...I don't know.

I tracked down things I've written here, I tracked down things I've done before and stop doing right now, I tracked down what's on my mind before and what my priorities were; and, they are a lot... 'nicer' and 'better', for lack of a better word. Now, this may sound vague because I do learn things in college like, a lot; but it's not knowledge that I'm talking about. Well, knowledge too, but not that kind of knowledge.

For starters....

(Ugh. This is embarrassing, but well. I do this for you, my future self!)

..Faith--WAIT UP! This is not like it sounds (or seems). (Or is it?). It's not that I lose them. Or my comprehension is lacking, or something. In fact, I was diligent enough to regularly take part in my old mentoring group discussion. I don't know. Maybe it's my lack of sunnah worship or the quality of the worship itself, or maybe it's because I don't join any religious activity as much anymore (or any, maybe), or maybe it's because of my too-loose tolerance of myself. Something like that. The amount of materialistic things I have in mind grows and it seems that I'm not as strong to keep it down or to keep up with it with growing the amount of worship and prayers in return.

But yeah. I'm too... soft to myself (Or the satan in me, to extremely put it). And that. Is what I've been trying to fix since the second semester and I don't know if I'm better than then now (Or worst.). Lucky that it's fasting month I have the more reason to be better in this part of self I think I've been regressing, and I hope that I will too. Soon.


The other.. now this is difficult, because I don't exactly know what kind of part of me is regressing regarding this stuff. But yeah. I think, after a year in college, instead of thinking more critically, I've become more pragmatic than I used to. Weird right? So weird! Because that's what I've been learning in college (the thinking critically on every subject I've came across) but on the other hand, I don't think critically when it comes to philosophical (or trivial) questions regarding reasons and principles, when it's way more important than the said subjects!

Like, I just do things because I feel like it, and I don't really think about any justification of why did so. Well. Not that I've done everything like that before; to be honest, being pragmatic and flexible over a lot of things is one of my good traits (in a way). But nowadays, it seems that I shrug those things off more than I used to. I'm not this... nonchalant for the matter before.

Now first, you have to know why it's more important than the said others. Reasons and principles are two things out of others that make you, you. And make me, me. It differs the good and the bad, it differs nice and rude people, it differs the smart and the dumb. It relates to your character, way of thinking, point of view and big stuffs like that. Of course, the relation is not causal or unidirectional or whatever, but they affect each other! Or stuff like that. Or at least that's what I believe.

Anyway. What I'm trying to say is, I'm more impulsive and ignorant regarding things I do; I just do things I feel like doing, or do things without thinking much about why or what for or what would happen after the said action; and I think that's a bad thing. Sort of. Impulsive and ignorant is okay, but not when it's too much. Everything's bad when it's too much. And I think through out the year I've crossed the line.


And the last at last! This is the one that have been bugging me, and that is... I'm more easily annoyed.

I said 'more easily'!

So yeah. One of my principle is that 'Happy' is my default state. So my mood should be either Happy, Really Happy, Can-Die-Happy Happy, or Not Happy. Very simple.

When you have a default state like that, it's not easy to get mad or angry over trivial things. And I am.

But it seems that, even if I don't get annoyed or angry or mad easily, I found that I've been experiencing those emotions (feelings? Something like that) way more than I am before. It's either that the atmosphere here is more conducive for those emotions to develop or it's true that I get annoyed more easily than before.



And that's pretty much it. On the bright side, I do think that I'm smarter and more reliable now. ...I guess. (If I don't, then that's a problem)

But I guess it's fine. You can't progress all the time (maybe), so I guess a little regression is good to develop a mind. At least when you're regressing you could fix it and become better (I hope), but when you're stuck sometimes you don't even realize it until it's too late. Sort of.

And that's for today's post! See you!


Never mistake activity for achievement. 
- John Wooden 

Opposite Attracts?

If it were magnets, then duh.

But if it were relationships, nope. I don't believe that opposites attract for a real relation. Sure, tensions (in a good way) and dynamics occur when there are differences, but it doesn't have to be the complete opposite. In fact, I think it CAN'T be the complete opposite. Different, yes. Complete opposite, no. I see it more as differences complete each other and create harmony. It's about balance. Not about nullifying each other's traits. 


I mean it like this. You can not simplify human relation like it's a natural scientific phenomenon. I think, to create a bond, there should be something you can relate to. There should be something you agree on or similar with. Whether it's principles, moral values, hobbies, personality traits, religion, goals, whatever. Whatever the thing is, that one (or two) thing(s) you both agree on or similar with is one that makes the differences between you guys doesn't matter anymore. That thing is what makes you cope with the differences and make the differences between you guys become complimentary instead of burden to each other.

Differences are blessings. That's why we were created different and unique. That's why we were boys-and-girls, black-and-white (and yellow), theist-and-atheist, capitalist-and-socialist. We're different to complete each other.

But in the end, only similarities can unite us into a woven harmony.

So.




Is the existence of love inside every soul enough to unite us?







Guess not.

But hey! Now you know that if you happen to get in a fight with your lover, friends, parents, bosses, teammates, or whoever; just remember your similarities that get you bonded in the first place. If it's important enough, you'll survive.

Or will you?
__

p.s. I'm supposed to talk about my mama and papa. This is suppose to be a mere prologue. But oh well.

Cheating? No.

I know National Examination stuffs are no longer hot, but well, I want to post it anyway.

I know cheating is common. I know cheating is not serious for a lot of people here. But, I was surprised anyway. Still am.

I'm surprised at how many people think it's trivial. That it doesn't matter. I'm surprised at how many people think that it's a justification for them to cheat just because others do. I'm surprised at... how people are not ashamed to admit that they cheated.

Wow. That surprised me the most. It's like cheating is not wrong, like cheating is okay.

No. It's not okay. Really.

First of all, to make things straight, this 'cheating' I'm talking about is the answer-asking, answer-giving,  answer-googling, answer-sharing-via-gadget whatever in a test (aka The Test-Cheating); because cheating is pretty broad (The Affair-Cheating, The Game-Cheating, Marking-Up-Proposals-Cheating, so on) but let's just close it to this case first.

I'm not being a hypocrite. I've cheated of course, in my younger days. I wanted to have a good mark so bad, I cheated. I even frowned at a guy when I'm in junior high, because he doesn't want to cheat. It dumbfounded me but I cheated anyway. I know what it feels to cheat. I know what I want from cheating. I know that it's way easier than studying till my brain goes disco.

But I stopped. I stopped cheating ever since I'm entered high school. I stopped cheating when I realized there are more things at stake when I cheated. When I realized that studying is not just a matter of good marks. When I realized that there are more things in me that I have to believed in. When I had a guilt trip at what am I doing praying to God before the exam if I were to cheat anyway?


Cheating is lying.

Lying to your teacher, lying to your parents, lying to your friends, and lying to yourself. Lying that you're doing a good job, lying that you've studied enough, lying that you're doing the right thing.

It's shameful and bad, and it pictures insecurities.

It shows that you don't believe in own capability to do those things yourself, that you're insecure if others don't help you.

I know that cheating is not necessarily done by people who are dumb, but I can say for sure that people who cheated are lazy.

Lazy and dishonest. Cheating is a shortcut; getting things you want without the exact effort it required.

The only thing you achieved from cheating other than the marks or achievements you don't deserved are less pain in the ass for being honest.

And those, my friend, are what I think about cheating.



Hypocrite. Idealist like you won't live long.

Idealist?

Idealist you say?

No. This is not about being ideal or not. This is a matter of principle. My principle is that I don't cheat. Not anymore. My principle is that, I don't want to lul myself with dishonesty. It hurts my conscience. It hurts my pride that I have to lower myself like that, that I have to be dependent over something trivial like grades. It lets my heart goes to a guilt trip, knowing that I don't believe in God I have prayed to, since I prayed to Him that I wish for doing a good job and getting a good mark; prayed-and-cheating-anyway is the lowest form of believing, I'd say. It's embarrassing that all the things I'll get from this later on are fruits of an evildoing called cheating. Oh God. I hate cheating. So bad.

And I didn't say that I hate people who cheat. Because I don't. Sort of.

It's cheating that I despised, and to cheat or not to cheat is a person's choice. I have no right to interfere with that. They have their reasons and I don't care.

Because I can't do anything about it. What I can do is prevent myself from cheating.

And maybe later on, teach my kids that cheating is not okay, that cheating is a form of dishonesty and dishonesty is bad.

I'm not going to start the cheat-corruption shit because no, as much as it was the same act of being dishonest, cheating has become a serious problem right about now, because people don't think it's bad anymore.

Wait. Maybe some people do, but they don't think it worth the fight. At least when it comes to corruption, no one agrees it's good and everyone thinks it should be punished severely.

Cheating?

Not so much.


You may say I'm a dreamer (not singing) for thinking that I could help it (or prevent or whatever), but I am here and I'm not the only person that thinks cheating is bad or the only person that won't cheat if they can help it. So there.




p.s. My high school is not exactly cheat-free (surprise surprise! ...NOT), but... I am relieved that people around me understand how I hate them and never in my high school life, asked me to give them answers on exams (anymore). Thank you guys. You know that it's hard for me to say no.

Who are You Trying to Please?

There's a statement I found on web some time ago, and it went: "I'm the kind of person that will try to make everyone else smile, but when I need to smile, there's no one for me" or something along those lines.

And on web too, I found another statement like this: "If I were grooming and making myself look cute, it is solely to make myself happy. I did that for me, not for anyone to judge." or something along those lines.

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong about those two statements (because nothing is wrong in opinions, duh) but these statements are interesting and I wanted to make something out of them. They seemed to have no relation whatsoever but for me, they do. Somehow. But hey, I'm not going to talk about the substance of those statements; I'll talk about what it have in common and what of it that makes it interesting.

So enough with the prologue thing, let's get on with this.


What I get from these two questions is that, somehow, people (or society, whatever) mattered.

They do--no doubt--and it is our choice whether to be dependent over their existence and judgement or not.  Wait. No. They will always matter, and we will always be dependent over them in a way but it is our choice to care or not to care.

Now people mostly torn in these two category. People who care and people who don't care.

Because we are living with others, most of us obviously wanted to achieve harmony among us, right? That's why they mattered. And when they mattered, somehow we want them to like us, or to think nicely of us, or whatever. Or the least, we will do things that we think won't bother others to the point they will hate us because of it. Sometimes these feelings are there naturally, because, well, because you're just that kind of person. But sometimes they are there because everyone's like that, or those are values you learned through schools and society; and you choose to keep it that way.

Those are people who care. When people care, that kind of thing matters.

When people don't care, that kind of thing is stupid.

"What's the point of living for others?" they said. "You live a life for people to judge?" they said.

When people don't care, they see themselves as individuals with individual needs MORE than they see themselves as part of society. "Yes we live with others, yes they sort of matter in a way or two, but who cares if they don't like the way I do this or that?" they said. And they're not wrong. Certainly not wrong.

I mean, who cares right?

It turns out that a lot of people do.

And this is my point.

Sometimes, being recognized by others, being liked by others, doing things that makes other people happy is exactly what (some) people need. In short, accepted by society, treated nicely by others and whatnots are people-who-care's the so-called individual needs. In the other hand, doing things they want to and the way they want to, looking silly and doing whatever whenever wherever or something like that are people-who-don't-care's individual needs.

So when people who don't care think that it's more important for them to do things they like, that much importance is also applied for people who care, but for different matter. And that is, others' opinion, or something.




So if you ask me which one is better, none of it is better. None of it is stupid, because what's important is different for everyone and who am I to judge others' priority?

Everyone has their own way to be happy, to be content, to feel comfortable and why are we so nosy about how people are selfish or  how people live like robots for their family?



So when it comes to the question, who are you trying to please?

The answer should be you.




Whether you are pleasing yourself by doing things your way...

...or pleasing yourself by pleasing others...

...it doesn't matter.


What matter is that you're happy with that. If you're not happy, then you should think again if you're doing the right one.

Or doing it for the right matter.

Because, surely, one cannot be happy just with caring every single demand that came from everyone and one cannot be happy just with doing things the so-called way that they wanted to every time.

So yeah.

Be happy!

Life Updates

Hello people! I haven't posted anything fo some time (a month, or something) but really. I tried to make a post, but it just didn't feel right. I can't come up with something fun or witty so I decided not to post anything hehe. I wonder if there's anyone waiting for me to post something though? (Narcissist)

Then again... I supposed to write a lot of papers. In which two I have no idea what to write about. But enough about papers, I want to write about things happened recently (just so you people know) instead of my usual smartass writing.


I broke down twice in a particular day. For sentimental reasons, probably frustrations and hormons in the mix.

Before that, I have an unbearable (sort of but not really) feeling of missing someone, to the point that lots of things remind me of that person. But we met a few days ago. Although it was short and almost nothing happened except for exchanges of words and updates of our life, I was really happy. I wish it could be longer though.

There's another person that I missed also, and we haven't got a chance to unite and chat for... actually, a week. But I miss talking and exchanging life updates and thoughts and ideas with this particular person!

I found that there are a lot of lovable people. Oh my. They are really cute and lovely and nice, you can't help but love them.

Long weekend ahead, but a lot of papers and work to be done. My target is two finish two before the day turns into the next day, and finish one early in the morning tomorrow.

I'm in need of witty comeback lines. Really. My approaches are getting dull.

I need a very good sleep too.


Have a nice long weekend, everyone!

Duh.

"Well, unlike you, I'm not open and personal to everyone!"

-a friend

Well. Isn't that just the case.

I'm said to be open and personal, I did a lot of self-disclosures but believe me. I know what I've shared and I won't share things that I know would hurt me. I'm not stupid.

People sometimes misunderstood the way I share the so-called personal things. Whatever the case, whatever their perception of it (the way me being open and all that) I don't particularly care.

I know what's a big deal for me and what's not. I decided them myself. Just because others are uncomfortable sharing things I did, doesn't mean what I've shared is a big deal.

What I do isn't an act so people know me better. Well, it was sort of a part of the outcome, (for those who cares) but that's not what I intended. There's a lot more thing to that. The fact that I shared a lot of things doesn't mean I don't have anything left to keep. Or anything left to share with special people only.

And that's all folks!

And no. I'm not mad.

And no, it's not you.

Senam!

It was March 16th 2012. They are great. Social 2013 is also very supportive. Their cooperation really made my day. Proud!

Three generations of our one and only 8's social class, 2011-2012-2013

(and the PE teacher)

Falleg Sýning

I'll forget what they did and said, but I won't forget what they made me feel.

I was sick, (really, I was) a slight fever, a wheezy throat and runny nose. I was nauseous. I ate a lot of... medicine. Even 5 minutes before it started. But. Well. It's a different case altogether after it begun.

My hands tingling. I cried a little.

I hurt my wrist just the morning before, three angry red lines screaming but not really.

I've never thought of how it has this, this much effect over me.

I wanna say love and maybe it was. But not yet. Maybe later.

But well!

I'll remember.

picture dump!

Hi GUYS! Long time no blog! :D Or is it?

Now, I know that you guys miss my writing.... (NOT) but I don't intend to "write" here! I'm updating for the sake of telling some people this blog is not dead yet! (It's only 3 weeks, duh.) But oh well!

I still have so much things to do in my to-do list. But doing it without procrastinating just a bit is not really fun, so for the sake of babying myself and preventing me from dying out of stress (sort of) I'm going to post an old work!

If you can't see it clearly, move your screen to a certain angle.

I'm thinking about being productive! And I'm thinking about... oh wait. I have a lot of things to do for the week. Hm.

And for the sake of ending this post like no other, here's a pic of a foot!

I'm thinking about drawing people's faces for real some time in the future... drawing docents' faces in the back of my book is getting old.

p.s. The foot model was my sister. But she has no label on her toe, no, that's just for kicks.

It Mattered.

Uh. Hi there guys.

It's late, like usual. My muse (or maybe the lack of consciousness to reread my writing) only works at night therefore.. things (trash) and whatever comes up as a post at night. Usually.

No philosophy, thesis, opinion or the sort today. Whatever.

You know guys, about my resolution?

It's sort of hard.

I mean.

Being happy and smile and love others is.. not so hard. Hard sometimes, but it's something you bound to do, you know? I just need to maintain it (well duh, said it in the post) and there. To be nice.. I'm trying.

But this part is hard. To make people around me feel loved.

Sigh.

I want to make people around me, especially those who were very dear to me, to know that they're loved. Because I feel really loved right now, and most of the time, but nobody ask and I want them to feel so too because it's wonderful.

And it's saddening me when they don't.

I am no psychic, and I can't read thoughts as well as feelings; I can only guess.

When something is off, something is.. not what most people prefer to be, the only thing I know of that can make people feel better is knowing that they're loved. Despite those. Despite the hardships.

Despite everything.

I feel better when I notice so. I figured they will too.

But I don't know.

It's not as easy as I think it is. Sigh.

But I'm trying.

Why I'm a Theist

Hi there! It's not long before my last post, but what the heck I'll post it anyway! :D You see, today I was.. hm. How do I put this in english. I was in a routine sort-of-discussion/sharing about my religion with a mentor and some of my friends. And boy it was enlightening.

Now, I doubt this will come up in google if any people search for something related to the concept of faith and lack there of, so here I go.

I don't know how to put this, but I guess, for me, it's started with this question:

Do you need a reason to have a faith? To believe, or in this case, to be a theist?

To have faith, I don't think people need a reason. Well, you could; go ahead, no one's stopping. But maybe sometimes you don't have to know what it is. Now, just let that question aside, because as a matter of fact, I don't know the reason I'm a theist in the first place other than I was born in the family of a theist (like most people), but I do have a reason why I keep the faith until now.

Now to elaborate that... Hm where do I start, huh?

I think the first reason why I keep the faith is because, as much as I know from living until now; as much as I understand one or two things I learnt, it happened to be explained in our Holy Book already. Or.. rather than 'explained', let just say that what I think is right or not through knowledge is not contrary to what I got from the religion.

So yeah. So far, with the knowledge I have until now, I never met one that is contrary to what it says. To put it simply, my knowledge don't give me a reason to why I should not keep the faith.

I don't take one or two parts of the Holy Book and then try to proof whether it's true or not, because; aren't you too proud to think that you have enough knowledge to do so? Of course, I'm sure that there's a time where you can proof it, the time when you really do have enough knowledge to do so, but it's not always right now.

So, what I do is: see and do what I think is right, and see if it matches with what it says in the Book.

So far, it does.

It makes sense.

To hell things I read in the Book and didn't get, because I only care and know that much. And the fact that I don't get them doesn't make it definitely WRONG or NOT SCIENTIFIC. Because logic and ratio evolve throughout the years, just like no one will believe that people will fly with a giant metal if you say so in 1200.

But for things that I know IS true. Nothing is contradictory. So far. Because if it's so, I probably has written it on my blog.

The second reason is... less logic and more sentimental... because I'm happy! Having a religion makes me happy! I mean, there's a lot of things to be happy about, but I'm happy to have a God, I guess. Mmm maybe the exact reason is, religion gave me purpose. A purpose beyond what's stated and crossed people's minds. A purpose that, as I believe, that came from a Holy Existence. And I'm happy. I have a religion and I'm happy so why shouldn't I have a religion?

Weird right, but as you see, it is pretty unexplainable, you know. The feeling.

I just realized this after a friend mentioned it, but here goes: at times when I do something that is required in my religion, or things I suppose to do according to my religion... it makes me.. calm, uh. Happy. Like! Like a feeling when you're doing a good thing! That heartwarming sort of feeling. And that happens vice versa, if I neglected them or do things that is forbidden in my religion, I feel a weight or guilt and etc.

I mean, I understand that happens because of inner suggestion or an awareness because we 'believe' of the consequence, but... I don't know. Maybe it is! But hey, I'm comfortable and happy with that, so why not?

And.. another reason is... huh well. Because it's scary, to not believe. Because I believe of a.. Force, an Existence that is so great you can't see it, so kind you're alive and happy; I'm not worried. I don't get scared. I'm happy. I'm content. Because I believe that living will be worth it, I believe everything happens for the best because there's this perfect Existence organize every single thing. And there you go.

Believing is a wonderful thing for me. Of course there are things in my religion that I think... honestly, is a nuisance, SOMETIMES. But as I said, I believe, therefore I also believe it'll be worth it and it's the best to do so. Maybe as I understand more, it will also be a wonderful thing ever happened rather than a nuisance.

But well. I guess in short, I think the reason I keep the religion is because I don't have the reason not to. If you have one; one that can not be objected, I might as well consider to not believe, I guess.

On the side note, I have no problem with atheists; as much as I have a choice to believe, they have a choice to not to, I guess.

But for me, proof of the existence or (lack there of, whatever) of God can not be compare with unicorn or any mythical being.

p.s. not very proud of this. But It'll do. For now. Oh, and here's a pic:

Feeling Artsy

Hello guys! Just so you know, I'm not tired just yet of having a holiday. Classes are due in two weeks and I wish it was longer than that. And it was started sometime in early weeks of January, too; ...and I don't know whether it's a good thing or a bad thing or why am I mentioning that in the first place.

It's not like that I have a lot of things in mind for a holiday, mind you. I do absolutely almost nothing besides things people consider unproductive. Or at least that's what I think. And yet, I don't want this holiday to end. I suppose my laziness has came to reach this particular level where I don't wanna go to school for maybe for ever. Or class, now that I'm in college.

Not for.. ever, but hey, forever is a pretty long time, and I don't wanna go to school*cough* class for a pretty long time (as I put it), so I thought forever'll make it short. I guess not, seeing how I explain it just now.

But! It's been a long time since I draw something (since I don't use books anymore, means my 'doodling in the back of the book in class' is pretty much nonexistent) so now that I still got plenty of time being lazy, I should, right? And I did! But I think my drawing skills (if I had any) is getting dull. And dull-er.

I sort of aced the class (a runner up! I guess) in drawing a lot of things in a big paper with blunt pencil, back when I was in drawing class, which is a year ago; and I realized what's my forte in drawing. My drawing is not really pretty, or anatomically correct; it's rough and the outlines are hard and every time I'm done my hands are dirty because of the pencil. But I drew it fast. Back in my class I was the fastest, that's why I could come up with a lot of objects to put in my paper, that's why my paper was full and 'black' and... back then it mattered a lot.

But for someone who draws, I don't have any particular style or ways of drawing. I'd say I'm well-rounded (not just in drawing. In a lot of things as well) but that means there's nothing stands out in my drawing (or any other thing). The idea was so-so, lines are not perfect, gestures, expression, its complexity or simplicity, nothing stands out very much. Just.. well. That. I don't think one could differ my original drawing with others because, well, it's not that original.

But that won't stop me from drawing, of course! I might not devoted all my time in drawing or some sort, but hey, maybe someday I'll get a hold of it! And maybe someday I can draw something or some idea that is only mine, and people will know so!

For now, I'll just settle with trying and experimenting ways of drawing or something. The idea'll catch up! Eventually, I hope.

Speaking of drawing, I drew something this morning! A typical.. uh. Anime-styled drawing, since I haven't draw much of it for some time. Drawing people's faces and the state of a crowded sidewalk is.. not really my thing. Maybe some other time!

But for now, I'm not going to post it as a whole picture! Hahaha. Maybe next time! Now I present to you, a window of a soul!

Nah, not really.

Of Thoughts of People.

Hi there! I’m writing this on Ms word at the moment, because I’m not connected to the internet and I just have this urge to write, even though I don’t know what it is.

You know, I had that urge at a lot of times. Sometimes I’m like, ‘Okay! I’ll write it!’ and then I write it on my blog and post it. Sometimes I let it in drafts, most of them never been posted until I erase it for good, and sometimes I just let it slide because I think it’s not important enough, sort of cliché (while most of mine IS cliché) or just... doesn’t matter and then forget about it.

But well. I think I go with curhat session this time. I don’t think it’ll be posted but well. I’m alone writing in ms word so why stop? Hahaha.

I’m getting a hold of myself, thinking about particular person... or people. Sometimes thinking about particular person makes me feel weird; there are mixed feelings, like, sometimes excitement, happy, disturbed, frustrating, and the list go on. And sometimes it’s just not fun for me, you know? Because I have things I want to think about and those particular people won’t leave me and my thoughts alone. The thing is, I know how bad it’ll turn out if I just let it slide, so whenever the thought of those particular people cross my mind, I stop whatever I’m thinking about so I could just think about them, so... maybe my mind will be satisfied and let me think about something else.

If there are any thoughts I don’t like to have, it’s thoughts about people. Or person. Or particular person or particular people. I don’t know, I just do.

I like to think about ideas and... uh. I think just ideas. Ideas and random thoughts that is not-so-people-oriented-or-any-creature-in-particular. It’s fun, it’s free, it’s... just... I can think about anything and everything and I won’t feel bad for thinking about it.

It’s different when I’m thinking about particular person or people. Sometimes I think about nice things they did, or bad things they did; what they have or didn’t have; their opinions; their looks; their words; something like that. Sometimes I want to hug them, sometimes I miss them; sometimes I want to kick them in the face or maybe shut their mouth for good forever... or something like that.

And after that thoughts, although as I said they caused mixed feelings, most of it are feelings of... guilt. Or sadness. Because when I think about people, I usually ended up judging them and I don’t know them enough to... think so. I just, you know. It’s useless for thinking about people because no matter what you think, they are they and you can’t change that. Sometimes it’s good and sometimes it’s bad and you just have to deal with it and thinking about it won’t make any difference. And thinking about them won’t change the reality, as things are over and there are things going on right now, so yeah. Pretty useless, if you ask me.

And it makes me uneasy, to think that maybe, when I miss this particular person, she or he might not feel the same, or maybe when I explained something to them, they just can’t see it my way and they don’t understand (maybe they don’t even try to), and I think I’ll blame them for being stupid. Sometimes I’m excited, thinking about them makes me happy, happy of times we shared and all, but... train of thoughts never really stay away from bad track and maybe I’ll be sad because it’s over or something.

See? Like that. That’s why I don’t like thinking about people or a person in particular. Eventually, they’ll give you headache and they usually breed a lot of baby thoughts about other people (sometimes ideas but mostly people) and there you go. But! Sometimes thoughts aren’t always about things we have to think about or want to think about. Sometimes it just crosses our minds and we have no choice but to think about it. That’s why it sort of frustrates me from time to time, and right now, I’m trying to get a hold of myself for real (putting up with it and ignoring it when the times over ain’t nice I guess; it means I just don’t learn). I’m saving my thoughts so I don’t waste it on little matters (like those particular people or person), in case in the future there’s this particular person or people that have to be on my mind 24/7 because they’re just... very, very, important.

Thoughts about ideas are fun, even though articles about ideas I love to read are limited hahaha. And my ideas aren’t really special and don’t really give any particular impact, but hey! At least they don’t get me mixed feelings. What’s more fun is thoughts about stories, because the unreal-ness (or the ‘too good to be true’-ness or the ‘whatever you’re searching in a story’ that sometimes real but just happen to be not ours at the moment) is exactly an entertainment for when the boredom of the so-called real life strikes. That’s why people that are fun are people who see life as if it’s a story (which it is) and wrap it up nicely so others can see or/and laugh or/and inspired by it.